I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For
by artmatters
Summary: Leyton after the Season Six finale. This is dark journey that they will have to take but it will make them more stronger than ever. Warning: Major character's death. More summary inside.
1. Chapter 1

Authors Note – Please Read.

This story was begging to be written and I hope I did it justice. Before you read, you have to know where I'm coming from. I have shipped Leyton even before they were. From the Pilot episode, I knew those two would end up together and i absolutely loved every moment of they shared. So, it really sucks to me that the show will not end with Leyton in it. Just like all the other Leyton fans, I didn't like Season Five and I thought Season Six really fell really short of what it should have been especially for Leyton. There were so many questionable things that happened to Leyton throughout S.5 and S.6 that i couldnt help but think the writters of the show did not want Leyton in the show anymore. Both Chad and Hil are amazing actors and they have great chemistry. I can only hope that OTH will be able to survive without them. So, this story is dedicated to other fans who like me, will not be watching Season Seven. Please review and critic my writing as only then will I get better. All suggestions and critics will be greatly appreciated. I am also looking for beta reader for this story.

THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW.

The story takes off after season six finale, Lucas and Peyton did not leave Tree Hill. Everything else is just as the show ended but Dan got another heart and had the heart transplant. Why would anyone want to bring back Dan? You may ask but this will be clear as the story progresses. The story will basically be a journey that Leyton will take which at times will be dark but at the end, they will be stronger. The first chapters will be slow and I couldn't help it but this will help to build the story.

CHAPTER ONE

Content. Happy. Elated. Blissful. There are many words that Lucas could use to describe the feeling he had but all those words would fall short. He was happy beyond measure and couldn't dare ask for more after all, could there be more than what he was feeling? He had a huge grin on his face that not even meeting Dan on his way to the rivercourt could wipe it away. He had surprised the man who abandoned him by greeting him cheerily, Dan was debating whether to reply or not but Lucas had not stopped; actually he didn't care if Dan replied or not, he was happy and happy looked good on him.

He had left his girls sleeping back at home when he crept out. He was up early despite waking up almost six times during the night when Peyton woke up to feed Sawyer. He couldn't explain why he did it but he couldn't get himself to stay in bed while she fed their daughter, neither could Peyton. He always felt like he would miss out on something but seriously, can you blame him, he almost lost the love of his life and he was not taking any chances.

The town was still asleep with very few people like Dan, going for the early morning jog. Dan, the Tree hill villain, had been lucky enough to get another heart and had undergone the surgery a month ago. The whole family had been shocked as they were already envisioning their lives minus the man who bore them but also brought terror on them. After a while, both Nathan and Lucas had reached an agreement with him that they would stay out of his way as long as he kept his distance from both families and their children.

Lucas continued bouncing his ball on the rivercourt surface while taking a shot once in a while. He was so deep in thought that he didn't see Skills joining him until when he took a shot and Skills also took one and both balls collided at the ring's entrance and fell back.

"What the hell man?" Lucas turned to Skills trying to pull an angry face but smiling instead.

"You tell me, what's got you zoning out this early in the morning and what's so important that you got me out of bed at 5:30 a.m.?" Skills asked sulkily while moving to sit on the bleachers.

Lucas followed him closely and sat on the bleacher. "We need to talk."

"Damn, you breaking up with me? Please save me the whole it's-me-not-you talk." Skills said playfully while breaking into a laugh.

Lucas laughed and looked at the man he had grown up with and shared so many monumental moments with. "Okay, seriously you are screwed up. But seriously, I need to ask you something very important."

"Please don't tell me you did something stupid and P. Scott is on your ass and you need my help to pull a grand gesture"

"What? Why would you think I did something to-" He asked but stopped mid sentence due to the look that Skills threw him. "I know, I know that I'm the king of screw ups but I've not screwed up for such a long time and my two amazing girls give me an enough reason not to."

"Alright, now get to the real reason I'm not in bed."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thank you soooo so so much to all those who took time and reviewed the first chapter. This chapter is dedicated to you all.

Kylielink and TrueLoveAlwaysLP: This chapter will answer your question about Lucas.

Bendecida82 and LEYTONALWAYS: I'm super flattered you guys read my fic, I totally love your fics.

Little Green Bird: Thanks for the encouragement.

Leytonislove22, , Juzzy88: Your reviews made my day.

Disclaimer: I do not own One Tree Hill or any of the characters.

**Should I Stay or Should I Go by The Clash**

Lucas braced himself for the next words. Saying them to another person would make this more real and he hopped it would be a step to something new.

"Nathan's former coach in Charlotte called me last week and offered me a position as a junior coach." He said in quickly in one breath.

"What?" Skills who had been looking down turned his head so fast, he was sure he had hurt his neck.

Lucas knew that his friend had heard him alright and the question was rhetorical so he didn't repeat. He had reacted the same way when he received the call from the Coach and there were so many reasons why he did. Firstly, Nathan had been kicked out of the team just a few months ago when he attended Luke's wedding without excusing himself from practice. He had not attempted to join another team despite encouragement from Haley or the other friends. He seemed to have given up on his dream and was on the brink of going back to the post-accident Nathan. If he agreed to take the job, he would've hurt his brother's feelings and even then, it just didn't feel right.

Secondly, he wanted Sawyer to grow up in Tree Hill the town that meant so much to her parents. Thirdly, Although Peyton had taken a break from managing Red Bedroom records; she still helped Haley and went in once in a while. She was hoping to return fully to work when Sawyer was at least a year old. Fourthly, all their friends who offered a great support system were in Tree Hill. Fifth amongst many more others, he just couldn't envision himself living away from this place. There were just too many memories embedded everywhere he turned.

Skills stood from his place on the bleacher and stood in front of Lucas. "What did you tell him?"

"I told him that that was a very difficult decision for me to make and I needed sometime before I could give him an answer. He gave me two weeks to call him back."

"Have you decided yet?"

"Actually no, I don't know Skills. There's just too much at stake here and so much to think about."

Both men were silent for a while, Skills looking out to the waters while Lucas just stared at the rivercourt's surface. Skills was the first to break the silence. "What does Peyton have to say about all this?"

Lucas scoffed and stood up heading over to pick a ball. "I have not told her yet because I kind of know how she will react. Her martyr complex will kick-in and we will be on our way to Charlotte the next day."

"You are one to talk, I'm sure you'd do the same for . Hell, have you forgotten that you have a freaking hero complex when it comes to her?"

Lucas shook his head breaking into a soft smile. "Shut up." He said jokingly although he knew that it was the truth. He would absolutely do anything for his family. "Seriously, I wanted to ask you if you will be willing to take over as Head Coach to the Ravens if I decided to take the Charlotte job? We have coached those boys side by side and I wouldn't have anyone else replacing me."

Skills was shocked, he had not seen that one coming. "I think Nathan would make a better replacement." He said after a few moments. "Think about it Luke, he is more experienced and his ass needs something to do before he starts drinking himself stupid."

"I have thought long and hard about it. Nathan might be more experienced but you know the boys better than him. I was thinking of asking him if he could assist you. Just think about it and let me know."

"I will." Skills started bouncing his ball in silent thoughts. "I still can't picture you not living in Tree Hill. But you've got to do what you think is right for you."

"Trust me, neither can I."

"Alright man, I've got to get going, call me up when you make your mind up and make sure you tell P. Scott about all this or the next time you call me out here, it will be because she'd be on your ass." Skills said holding out his hand to bump fists with Luke.

Lucas looked on as his friend walked away from the rivercourt. He was at a place of stability right now and he didn't want to burst that bubble yet. Life was more than normal after the whirlwind pregnancy, the tears, sleepless nights, fights, anger, worry that went along with it like his daughter's birth, almost losing Peyton, finding out that Dan was after all going to be around a longer time. That had been a journey he had courageously taken and it lead him where he was at. At the moment, everything was just right, the universe was like it should be.

He unconsciously smiled remembering the first day he had brought Sawyer out to the rivercourt for the first time ever in her life.

Sawyer was three weeks old and Peyton was almost completely healed from the surgery. The day had been beautiful and the air was warm even though it was almost sunset. So, they had piled into the comet and headed out to the rivercourt. Lucas gladly pointed out favorite places like Clothes over Bros to Sawyer not caring if she understood or not. Peyton sat admiring him with tears in her eyes thinking that she had almost missed out on this. On reaching the rivercourt, Sawyer was unbuckled out of her seat and Luke went on to give the grand tour of the rivercourt and it's history.

Peyton sat on the bleachers looking on proudly as father shared his life with his daughter. Lucas had donned on both her and Sawyer every minute since returning from hospital. Before, she would have been frustrated from his hovering but she understood where he came from, life had given him a second chance and he was not about to waste it.

As he turned to walk home, he wondered what it would feel like living in a new town. Peyton had once told him that Tree Hill to her was two dead moms and a psycho stalker. She had been forced to come home to find love, to find him. Home to him would always be where Peyton and Sawyer were and he was damn sure Peyton felt the same way too. Moving to Charlotte might not be so bad after all, now all he had to do was tell her.

**All reviews are greatly appreciated even if it's just one word.**

**Title of the next chapter****: Tell Her About It.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N**: Thanks again to all who reviewed. All your reviews were awesome.

TrueLoveAlwaysLP: Thanks for pointing out that slip. Nathan did not receive a call from NBA and was suspended from C.C. which is why Lucas is considering for the assistant position.

**Tell Her About It by Billy Joel**

A few days had gone by since he had talked to Skills. He had not yet told Peyton anything about Charlotte despite the fact that his two weeks were to end in two days.

"Hey, Luke. Breakfast is done." Peyton called from the kitchen.

"One minute." He yelled back. He ran a hand through his short hair knowing it was today or never.

"You took so long this morning, meeting someone today?" she asked as she placed another plate of pancakes on the table while carrying Sawyer with her other hand.

He walked towards her pulling both her and Sawyer in for a hug and a kiss to both their foreheads. "Uh huh, a really, gorgeous girl."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah." He answered taking Sawyer from her mother and placing her in her high chair next to him.

"Good for her." She said enjoying the banter.

They both settled into their daily routine of breakfast together and talking about the goings on in their lives. They had both agreed that Peyton should take a break to look after their daughter and Lucas would gladly watch her if Peyton needed to run errands or go into the studio.

After breakfast, Lucas cleared the dishes while Peyton went to change Sawyer's diaper, feed her and get her to sleep as she had woken up unusually early that morning.

Luke was so lost in thought; he didn't hear the kitchen door open. Brooke slid in and sat down.

"Morning Broody, where's your family?"

"Oh God, Brooke…" Lucas jumped a foot and turned sharply. "Seriously, when will you learn to knock like a normal person?"

"When you start locking your doors." She replied shrugging her shoulders. "Which I hope you'll start soon as I don't want to loose my baby Brooke to a psycho."

Peyton came in to the kitchen as Brooke was finishing her sentence. "Why are you losing baby Brooke to a psycho, I thought it was to the Bitchtoria?"

"No, I meant loosing your baby Brooke to a psycho like crazy Nanny Carrie. Keep up P. Scott, you are in serious need of some real company aside from broody here or that sweet little baby, you are dulling up. How is she by the way?"

Lucas feigned pain holding his hand over his heart. Peyton slapped his arm playfully laughing. "She is fine but I can't wait till she starts sleeping well. I mean, this morning she woke up at five and didn't go back to sleep."

Brooke broke into a laugh. "Do you remember when you were so mad at me cause Angie kept you up at night. Gotta love karma"

"Hey, Angie cried all the time, my daughter doesn't."

Lucas looked between the two best friends. "Alright you two," Lucas said holding back a chuckle, as he stood near the door, "I will leave you to catch up." Whatever was on his mind would have to wait till later that evening. The two had not spent much time together after Sawyers birth and if they were going to move to Charlotte, then Peyton deserved to spend quality time with her best friend.

He made his way over to where Peyton was standing, holding her face between his hands and kissed her. "I will come by later to check on you, need anything?"

"No," She said shaking her head looking up to him.

"Ok, see you later." He said kissing her forehead and moved to the door. "Later Brooke."

"Bye Broody." Brooke replied craning her neck from the magazine she had found on the kitchen table.

Once the girls heard the Mustang pull away, Brooke jumped up excitedly. "Okay, P. Spill."

Peyton sighed. Of course, no one got more excited on some matters more than Brooke Davis. "Bro…oke, you are not supposed to get excited about this. You are supposed to help me out. And don't by any chance be expecting me to tell you everything in detail."

"Aahhh fine." Brooke stomped her foot down. "I don't get why people have to be so cryptic about this. I let you in on everything in my life."

"Okay, tell you what. I will give you all the details tomorrow. How's that? And move your ass, we don't have the whole day."

The girls had spent the morning working on their mystery business and luckily Sawyer slept on peacefully. Brooke had provided all the necessary help that Peyton needed and all was left was the final touch which of course would be later. Peyton now sat on the living room couch with her feet propped up on the table working on her computer. She typed away quickly as she still had two more emails to get through as Sawyer was due wake up any moment now. The house phone in the kitchen started ringing.

Cursing loudly, she made her way to the kitchen to answer it.

"Scott residence." She almost laughed, that sounded like something only Haley could say.

"Hi, can I please speak to Lucas Scott."

"He is not in at the moment, I'm his wife. Who I'm I speaking to?"

"My name is Bobby, Head Coach of the Charleston Chiefs."

"Oh. Lucas' not in but you can leave a message or maybe try his cell phone."

"I tried and he wasn't picking up. Anyway, you can tell him that I was calling to remind him his two weeks are almost over and he should call me ASAP. There are two other people short listed for the position and if he doesn't call, he will be considered out"

"What position, where?"

"The assistant coaching position with the Charleston Chiefs."

"Oh." Was all Peyton could muster to say. "Thanks for calling. I will inform him." She hanged up not waiting for the caller to do so first. She stood transfixed all the time wondering why Lucas had not mentioned anything about this. Maybe he was not considering taking the position but still he should have mentioned it. That's what married people do, they share everything. Sharing was nothing new between them; they had done it even before they were a couple. She was broken from her reverie by cries coming from Sawyers room.

When Lucas got home, he found her in the nursery rocking in the white chair with Sawyer asleep in her arms. He stood in the doorway to the nursery and the moment he set his eyes on her face, he knew something was wrong.

"Hey, what's up?" he said softly while moving to kneel beside the chair.

She stood up cautiously to avoid waking Sawyer and placed her in her crib not once looking at him. She turned on the monitor and turned to leave which perplexed Lucas all the more. Once the door to the nursery was silently closed, she turned to him. "You got a call from the Head Coach of Charleston Chiefs. You are supposed to call him back about the position they offered you which apparently, you forgot to mention to your wife."

Lucas grimaced and reached out his hands to hold her but she pulled away. "I'm sorry Peyton." He started but she was already walking towards the kitchen. "This is not the way I wanted you to find out." He continued following her form to the kitchen. "I've been meaning to tell you about this for a while but every time, something gets in the way and I don't."

"Oh, I don't buy that for a second. You could have, I don't know… woken me up in the middle of the night for all I care. You just made a choice of not telling me." She said while furiously reaching to open the cabinet where they kept glasses. Lucas was almost willing for her to close it, knowing her tendency to throw things when angry.

"Peyton, will you please sit down and let me explain everything to you." He said motioning to the chair but she did not bulge.

"Now what, you taking the job? And if you do, will you be going back and forth like Nathan did or you expect us to move to Charleston? Huh?" she said glaring at him which was making matters worse for him as she was now holding a glass in her hand.

"Seriously Peyton, before you get ahead of yourself here, I didn't tell you about it because I knew that the minute I told you, your martyr complex will take over before you think everything through." he moved closer and took the glass that was in her hand and set it on the counter.

She stared at him incredulously. "Unbelievable." She threw her hands up moving away from him once again. "So, you did not tell me because you assumed that I would go along with whatever you decided? And don't get me wrong, you know I would support you no matter what."

"I know that," he said closing the distance between them once again. "I wanted to be sure that this is what I wanted before I told you because I know you Peyt, you would insist…."

"Just stop." Her tone was sharp, almost like it was, that night in her office when they had kissed. "Lucas, we got separated for three awful years because of assumptions. We are adults now, we have Sawyer, and we have responsibilities. You'd think that we should be better people after what we've both been through but here we are…" she trailed off sadly.

Silence engulfed them almost swallowing them up. Lucas opened his mouth several times only to shut it. He wanted to reason, to talk but there was no way this was going to happen with Peyton so angry. He just couldn't understand why she was so angry at something he had not told her. There had to be more to it and knowing Peyton, he had to give her time for her to spill. Pushing her would only make it worse.

She pulled her arms around her, a habit she had acquired when she closed off people. "I need to take a walk." She said as she crossed over to the door where she stopped and turned towards him. "There's some milk in the fridge if she wakes up. Make sure you warm it up properly." She said as she opened the door closing it behind her.

"Damn it." He cursed loudly. Why hadn't he said anything, he was supposed to be a genius with words, a best-selling author for crying out loud. He also felt stupid for not stopping her from running something she was good at. They were both at fault, well, mostly him for the things unsaid and for everything.

On the other side of the door, Peyton was standing having failed to muster the strength to walk away. It just didn't feel right anymore to run. She loved Lucas with all her heart and they had been through so much together. She owed it to him to hear him out and for him to hear her out too. She turned back and opened the door leading to the kitchen and saw Luke standing in the same position she had left him.

"We've always had this great connection where we didn't need words. I don't know…maybe it's me but sometimes I feel like that connection is slipping away." Lucas opened his mouth to speak but she lifted her hand signaling him that she was not finished. She closed the door and moved to stand with her back to the counter "It's just that... I feel like I'm in the dark sometimes with you and I know things were bound to change once Sawyer was born but....I mean, Luke, we have made love five times since Sawyer was born, five times Lucas."

"Peyton…" he started but stopped himself as he was lost on what to say because she was right.

She hesitated for a moment and her eyes grew damp. Then she turned and faced the sink. "I don't know if I disgust you by the left over weight from the pregnancy or there is something else that you are not te…."

He moved swiftly and held both her shoulders turning her to face him not letting her finish her words. "Peyton, you know that's not true. I couldn't care how much you weigh, you could be 300 pounds and I would still be very much in love with you. You know that."

She shrugged his hands of her shoulders. "I would know only if you would tell me. But you don't, so I have no choice but to assume."

Lucas bit his lip struggling to find the right words. He stepped in front of her and embraced her shoulders but she moved away from him again. He was trying his best to keep his frustration at bay but she was being overly stubborn.

"Peyton, I'm so so sorry. I'm sorry for everything." He began. "I am sorry for not telling you about the offer, sorry for everything else." As much as he was tempted to move closer to her again, he kept his distance. "You always seem so tired to do that… you know… after taking care of Sawyer for the whole day but I promise, it's nothing you have to worry about." He looked at her with puppy dog eyes and a lopsided grin that he knew she would fall for. "Hell, you got me to sleep with you in my mum's bed. I love you and I'm going to make this better. I promise." He finished as he made his way slowly towards her.

As soon as his words were out, her expression softened and every urge that was in her to fight, left her. "I know Luke, I'm sorry too." She reached up, framing his face with her hands. "But we need to be talking more Lucas, we can't afford to be the people we were, we are better than that and we owe it to ourselves and to Sawyer."

He felt relief wash over him and there was no way he couldn't not kiss her at that moment. So, he leant down and took her lips in his and kissed her. The kiss was getting deeper and deeper and Peyton knew that if she didn't stop things at that moment, there would have been no talking so she pulled back and stared deeply in his eyes. "Okay, that was mind blowing but we do really need to talk." she added as she pulled him to sit.

"But I like this kind of talking, you know, with your lips around mine." He protested.

"I know but we have to do this. Besides, the sooner we finish the earlier we can get onto other things and you have no idea what this evening holds for you Scott. All I can tell you is that Brooke is taking Sawyer for a few hours so we have the house to ourselves."

------------------------------------ xxxxxxxxxxxxxx ------------------------------------

Oh if you for one second think that their bedroom issues are solved, boy are you wrong!! Also, as I was writing, I noticed that Peyton seemed a little OOC but that's how the chapter wrote itself. Let me know in your reviews.

The next chapter: **Whatever Gets You Through The Night**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thanks to all those who reviewed the last chapter. This is dedicated to chapter basically explains Leytons new life in Charleston. There will be flashbacks explaining the happenings in between. The chapter came out really, really long but I couldn't break it into two so sorry for that.**

**Whatever Gets You Through The Night.**

Peyton was drawing. To all who knew her well, she only drew when she needed to escape harsh realities of life but not this time. It was noon and she was seated on the front porch of their house in Charleston drawing a picture of the rivercourt. She had just put Sawyer down for a nap and Lucas was still away at practice. At the bottom of the drawing were the words, '_we were here'_ and inside the court itself, she had written out her husbands name, hers and Sawyers.

They had been in Charleston for eight and a half months now. If she was honest to herself, she had not seen them lasting in this town for more than three months. Settling did not come easily, there were days she would crawl back in bed after seeing Lucas off wishing she was back in Tree Hill.

They had been lucky enough to find a house within such a short notice. The house had an open plan kitchen, three bedrooms one of which had been turned into the nursery and a backyard which Lucas was already planning on putting up a swing set for Sawyer. The neighborhood was okay with sidewalks and a play park where moms took their kids in the afternoon to play. Charleston was great, and in some ways it was just like Tree Hill but she still missed their hometown.

"Baby, Charleston is not so different from Tree Hill. You'll love it. I promise." Lucas had assured her over and over during their first weeks in the new town.

-- xx Flashback xx --

_Lucas had called Charleston back and he had accepted the position. He only had two months before he was required to report officially so they had begun the moving preparations. They had all gone to Charleston on a weekend to search for a house and familiarize with the town. "Sawyers first road trip." Lucas had been so excited as he explained to Peyton why they should all go. They met up with the realtor who had three houses to show them. They fell in love with the second one and didn't request to see the third one. It reminded both of Karen's house in Tree Hill._

_Telling their friends had been the hardest part of all because all of them had grown so close to Sawyer especially Brooke. Nathan had agreed to assist Skills in coaching the ravens but only because Haley threatened him to get his act together or else. He was still not so comfortable talking about Lucas getting the Charleston job and everyone left it at that. Haley had thrown a quick farewell party in her backyard where the women cried their eyes out while the guys sipped on their beers._

_The reality of moving sank in when they guy Lucas had hired parked the U-haul in front of the house. Uncertainties, the what ifs, anxiety and worries crept up Peyton's heart. This was it, they were moving away from their family, friends and familiarity of Tree hill. She was sitting on the couch in the living room when the front door opened and Lucas walked in._

"_Hey, you okay?" he sat down beside her on the couch._

"_Yeah. I'm…I'm fine. It's just that it's sinking in. We are actually moving." _

"_Babe, we are going to be fine." He touched her face and brushed his knuckles against her cheeks. "It won't be easy but we'll get through it. I promise." _

_She reached up and wrapped her fingers around his hand sucking in a slow breath. "I know."_

_Honestly speaking, it was killing him. Apart from the few book tours and college, he had never considered living outside Tree Hill. Both of those times, he always had the assurance of returning home but this, this was indefinite. If everything went well, then it would be a permanent home for them which saddened Lucas even more._

-- xx End Flashback xx --

She looked down at the drawing in her hands. It was almost done, just a few shadings required here and there then it would be perfect. All the drawings she had done recently were different parts of Tree Hill that held some kind of memory or another for them.

She had settled into a routine, one that included feeding Sawyer, changing her and getting some work done while she slept. She cleaned the house and once in a while tried to make edible dinner but she was improving on that one.

"You could scout for bands through the internet." Lucas had mentioned even before they had moved.

"The next time you see me working, my hair will be a lovely shade of gray." She had said seriously breaking into a laugh when she saw the horrific look on Lucas' face.

"Not funny...at all."

"Honey… I'm kidding. Of course, I will continue working. I might even open a branch of Red Bedroom Records down there." Her eyes twinkled at the thought. "We'll see how it goes but for the first few months, I will concentrate on taking care of Sawyer and helping Haley out."

Being a mother to Sawyer was a greater experience than Peyton had ever imagined. Sawyer was a happy healthy baby with her father's eyes. She had become so good that she could distinguish each cry according to Sawyers need which of course, had come from experience.

xx Flashback xx --

_The screaming was incessant. Sawyer had cried that night more times than she had ever cried since she was born. She wouldn't sleep and was crying continuously. Peyton had been up more times than she could count feeding her, lulling her to sleep only for her to wake up after a few minutes. As her cries filled the house for the umpteenth time, Lucas threw back the covers and left their bedroom grabbing the monitor with him. _

_He opened her room and switched on the lights. She stopped crying when the lights went on but tiny whimpers still left her. Her tiny feet were flailing in the air and she had streams of tears going down the sides of each eye._

"_Hey, baby girl. What's wrong?" he asked. "It's okay… I'm here now." He soothed her softly while cradling her. He carried her to the kitchen and pulled out her milk from the fridge and put it in the microwave as he continued rocking his hands to soothe her. She had stopped crying but was making crying faces and squirming uncomfortably. When the milk was ready, he tested the warmth. Then he brushed the nipple of the bottle against her lower lip but as soon as it touched her mouth, she jerked back and started fussing arching her back._

_He placed the bottle on the counter and shifted her to his shoulder. "Ssssshh, it's okay honey, it's okay." He continued to sooth her rubbing circles on her tiny back. Suddenly a stream of vomit came from her and splashed across his shirt. Fear knocked the wind out of Lucas. He ran a hand on her tiny head and stopped when he felt her forehead. It was too warm and clammy. Then it hit him, "Oh my god, you are running a fever." He strode towards his bedroom frantically wanting to shout for Peyton. Then he remembered that he had gone through this, before, with Lilly and Jamie. Waking Peyton up would only result in a panic and they would probably end up in the emergency room. _

_He cradled her in his arms and took her to the bathroom to wipe of the vomit from her face and remove her soiled clothes and his shirt. Luckily he was wearing a wife beater underneath. He wetted a small wash cloth and placed it on her forehead. That seemed to calm her even more. He reached for the medicine cabinet and pulled out Tylenol and gave her the appropriate amount. She was still restless but at least she had calmed down. He took her back to nursery and dressed her up again. Then he sat back in the more comfy chair rocking back and forth._

"_She woke up again?" Peyton's voice was filled with sleep. She walked towards them and reached out a hand to her baby._

"_Yeah. Someone is having her first fever." _

"_Oh my God Luke, Why didn't you wake me up?" she removed the cloth and felt her daughters forehead. "Oh God, She's burning up, we need to take her to the hospital." She was starting to panic when Luke reached out with his spare arm to calm her. _

"_Peyton calm down. We don't need to take her to the hospital for a fever. I have given her Tylenol and her fever should be coming down soon."_

_That seemed to calm her down for a moment but then she started panicking again. "What if it's something worse Luke, She could be having some kind of baby disease…" she flailed her arms wildly in the air. _

_Lucas reached out for her hand and shifted in the chair to create more space. "Come're." He pulled her down next to him. "Sawyer's fine, I have done this with Lilly and Jamie and I promise the fever will come down. If it doesn't then we will take her to the hospital. Okay?" His arm went around her shoulder pulling her closer._

_Sawyer's eyelids drooped with sleep but she was restless and would open her eyes again. "My baby's sick." She said sorrowfully as she stroked her cheek. It was so hard looking at her baby struggling to fight the illness offending her tiny body._

"_I think we should put her down in a bassinet and put it in our room." Lucas suggested as her fight with sleep grew weaker and weaker._

"_Okay."_

_Sawyer was sleeping in her bassinet at the foot of their bed but they both knew sleep wouldn't come easily to both of them for the rest of the night. One tiny noise from her and Peyton was peering over her bassinet checking on her. She only seemed to relax after she was convinced repeatedly by Lucas that they would take her to the hospital in the morning._

"_Thanks Luke."_

"_For what?"_

"…_taking good care of her. You are such an amazing Dad."_

"_It's my job Peyton and you are an amazing Mom too." _

_Ultimately sleep had taken over Peyton's tired body and she gave in. Lucas was still awake listening to the soft breaths of both his girls. He chuckled as he imagined how the situation could have gone differently had he not had any experience with taking care of infants._

-- xx End Flashback xx --

Her neighbor, Jane Peterson passed by the sidewalk and waved to Peyton. She smiled and waved back at her. The woman had stopped dropping of home baked goodies at the Scott's house when she saw that Peyton was not interested in forging a neighborly relationship with her. They were more of civil to each other and Peyton was okay with that.

xx Flashback xx --

_Lucas and Peyton had taken a walk with Sawyer in her stroller after Lucas came home from the gym. It was early and he had suggested that they should take a walk and get ice cream. On their way back just as they neared home, they met a middle aged couple who introduced themselves as their new neighbors. Introductions were made and before they knew it, the Petersons had invited them to dinner at their place. Lucas gladly accepted their offer even though Peyton kept on telling them that they didn't have to have a formal welcome-to-the-neighboorhood-dinner._

"_Baby why did you accept to go to that dinner? This whole thing makes me feel old. It's a Saturday night, we are in our twenties. I mean, if we have someone watching Sawyer, we should be going out for a fun night not a dinner with some old stuffy people." she whined as she lay on the bed._

_Lucas was just from the shower and was standing in front of the closet debating which shirt to wear. They had been over this conversation since the minute they got home after meeting with the Petersons. "…because they invited us…because we are trying to establish a good relationship with our new neighbors." She was pushing him and he was really trying his best to keep his calm. "Peyton, we are doing this, just get in the shower before we show up late. I promise, it will only be for an hour or two."_

"_I'm still not comfortable with the idea of letting a stranger watch Sawyer." She had still not moved from the bed._

_He was buttoning his shirt and stopped midway. He pinched the bridge of his nose to calm himself and went to lean over her on the bed. "That stranger will also be watching their son and we will be in the same house." He let out a desperate sigh. "I don't understand why you are being stubborn. Babe, just get in the shower, dress up so we can go and get over and done with this." _

"_Fine." She huffed as she went into the bathroom slamming the door behind her._

_Oh, this was going to be one long night. Lucas let out another sigh. That woman could be as stubborn as hell, one of the reasons he fell in love with her and had to live with._

_From the beginning of the meal, the hosts seemed to be trying too hard to tell funny stories and Lucas laughed at all the stupid jokes. Peyton merely pasted a forced smile whenever Lucas looked at her pointedly. She did not say a word unless she was responding to a question. It was awkward and forced she couldn't wait to get out of there. But can you blame her? What could she possibly have in common with Mrs. Peterson, who was in her late thirties and seemed to be trying so hard to be the perfect American housewife living behind the white picket fence?_

"_As soon as you settle in, call me over so I can show you how to make a good roast." She had told Peyton as the sitter handed over a sleeping Sawyer to her father. She had desperately wanted to roll her eyes but held back knowing Lucas would scold her. She smiled politely and assured the woman that she would inform her. _

"_Peyton, that was mean." Lucas had started as soon as they were out of earshot. "Those people were just trying to help us settle in."_

_She snorted at Lucas. "Oh, I think I'm settling in fine without their help. If that woman comes knocking on the door to make roast, you'll do it with her." The utter defiance in her tone left no room for any argument. As soon as they were in the house, she headed straight to the nursery having taken Sawyer from his arms._

_He had followed her after giving her a few moments but winced when he saw how she was avoiding looking at him. He kissed Sawyer goodnight and left for their room. Out of guilt, she had stayed in the nursery longer hoping that she would find Lucas asleep._

_When she entered their bedroom, his night light was on and he was reading a book. "I'm sorry," he began. "I shouldn't have made you go if you didn't want to go." He looked genuinely remorseful. _

_She stood at the foot and dropped her gaze to the floor. "Actually, I am the sorry one. Luke, you were just making an effort." She dug her hands deep into her pockets. "I didn't grow up with all these formalities Luke, and I know you had every good intention but… baby, I'm too young to be sharing recipes and neighborhood gossip with that woman."_

_He looked at her for a while and chuckled shaking his head. "I have to admit though the roast thing was funny." He reached out his hand to her which she accepted and allowed him to pull her. "You just learnt a couple of years back the difference between a dash and a handful; I think roast would be too much for you."_

_She was now lying almost entirely on top of him with his hands cupping her face. She loved the nearness of him, the smell of his skin and the way his fingers felt on her face. She leaned in and kissed him deeply. She drew back searching his eyes. "I will learn to make you a good roast one day, just not now." _

"_That's better." His lips brushed against hers as he smiled at her. "I love you."_

"_I love you too."_

_-- xx End Flashback xx --_

She had just finished talking to Haley on the phone. Normally Haley would call at around this time with any updates she had and Peyton would also give her progress. She was still managing RBR and Haley was in-charge of production. Currently, she had taken up scouting for bands on the internet and it was working out well.

Brooke called her every other night and they would talk hours on end. Lucas shook his head at her all those times wondering how they never ran out of gossip. But he loved how the move had not changed anything between the friends.

"Honey, I'm home." Lucas said in a sing-song way laughing as he entered the house.

"Oh, that just doesn't sound right." She smiled at his tired looking form as he made his way towards her.

His hands fell to her waist and he pulled her closer to himself. "Hi."

A warmth radiated from her heart, the way it always did when he came home. She slid her hands up around his neck. "Hi, yourself." She brought her lips to his and kissed him. The kind of slow kiss they hadn't ever stopped sharing.

When they pulled apart to catch their breath, he brushed his nose against hers like he loved to do. "You missed me." He teased her.

"Yes." – She smiled and gave him another kiss – "cause I know that you missed me too." She left his embrace and pulled him to sit with her. "Tell me about your day."

"My day was-" he stopped midsentence.

"…was?" she said as she turned to look at him curiously.

A chuckle sounded in his throat. "I can't do this, Peyt"

She grinned amusedly at the pained look on his face. "Can't do what?"

"You want to know how my day was?" he moaned and let his head fall against hers. "How can I be telling you how my day was when all I've been thinking about all day is kissing you?"

She laughed and as she was catching her breath, he placed his hands on her face, eased her closer to him and kissed her deeply.

"Should we take this farther?" she asked seductively when they both came up for air after the long slow kiss.

"Definitely." he replied kissing her again.

He stood up and carried her up in his arms heading over to their room where he laid her on the bed.

-- xx Flashback -- xx

_They were bone-tired after their journey. It was raining heavily by the time they got to Charleston. Luckily, the guys Lucas had hired had removed their packed boxed from the truck. After a take-out dinner and tucking Sawyer in, they snuggled in bed for their first night in the new town._

"_I love our new bed." Her head was on his chest with his arm around her._

"_I love it too but I miss my bed in Tree Hill." She didn't say anything. " Don't you?"_

"_No." she said honestly shaking her head after a few moments._

"_What...why?" his brows furrowed, he lifted his head to study her._

_She took in a sharp breath debating whether it was really necessary to be this honest. "Because… it reminds me of…. Forget about it, it's stupid"_

"_No, tell me what it reminds you of." He prodded. She shook her head against his chest. "Babe…please tell me."_

_She shifted so she was now looking down at him. "Okay… It reminded me of Lindsey."_

"_What? Why didn't you say anything?"_

"_Because…."_

"…_because of what?"_

"… _the same reason you pretended to like The Cure all those years."_

_She did not need to say anything else to elaborate more. No wonder she had wanted to move into his mother's room. He felt like a jerk having been insensitive and blind to her feelings. He couldn't help but wonder what else reminded her of Lindsey._

_-- xx End Flashback xx --_

Peyton was peppering him with kisses on his face, along his jaw line and his neck as Lucas moaned beneath her. His hands were roaming all over her back. She felt him tugging the hem of her top. She held his face in between her hands and kissed him deeply, her tongue slipping past his in his mouth. His lips detached from her mouth as he slipped off the top she had been wearing.

"I love you so much, Mrs. Scott," he said before their lips met again for a long passionate kiss.

"I love you too," she whispered staring deeply into his eyes before locking her lips with his. She pressed her hips against his which caused him to groan. She reached down for his belt and managed to remove it.

He was rolling her on her back to give her room to remove his jeans when a cry filled the house. "Oh my God…" he groaned loudly and collapsed on her. "Please, please baby not again. I swear it's like she has a timer in her head. This is what, the tenth time we have gotten things going, and then she starts crying." He whined.

She laughed at him and pushed him away from her and reached for her top beside the bed. "Honey, stop whining and exaggerating, it has only happened three other times." She leaned over him and kissed the tip of his nose. "I'll make it up to you later."

After Peyton left the room he took a sharp breath. No pun intended but this was getting harder and harder on his part. He would have gone through with it this time, had Sawyer not cried. Maybe that was a warning signal going off telling him to do something about it. He had to make a decision soon, a decision he was sure he would fight over with Peyton but had to be done nonetheless.

**This was my first trial at flashbacks so I would really love your input on what you thought of them and the chapter in general. **

**Also, this is the last fluffy chapter you will read for a while compared to what's coming next. All I can say is that it won't be an easy read.**

The next chapter: **All That You Can't Leave Behind.**


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I know you really want to hate me for not updating for a whole week. I forgot to update before I left for some stupid weeklong conference so I had to wait until I got back. I was disappointed with the last chapter cos only a handful of guys reviewed. You guys are my only inspiration remaining right now so please pretty please, review.

Disclaimer: I don't own OTH or any of the characters or All that you can't leave behind by U2

**ALL THAT YOU CAN'T LEAVE BEHIND.**

"So… what did he tell you?"

"Um… actually… I have not yet asked him." Peyton drew in a ragged breath. She was sitting on the living room floor watching Sawyer who was playing with her toys. Sawyer had learnt to crawl a few weeks back and her fascination with the environment was overwhelming.

She pulled herself onto her tiny feet while holding onto the edge coffee table and reached out for the glass of water that was on the table. Peyton frantically shook her head at her mouthing "_No."_ so instead, she took the keys that were on the table and sat on the carpet again.

"What?" Brooke asked. "Honey, I'm not pushing you or anything. I'm just looking out for you."

"I know."

"… You need to ask him, talk to him about this. Honey, we have been having this conversation for the past week Peyton, ask him already."

"I have tried B. I just don't know how to bring it up." Peyton exhaled as she reached out take her keys that were clasped in Sawyer's hand, handing her one of her toys instead.

Okay P. don't hate me," Brooke hesitated. "But … we both know how he sometimes thinks with his head up his ass...I'm just saying-"

"Don't." Peyton said almost too harshly as she clenched her teeth. "No, he wouldn't." An aching started in her stomach. Her mind had toyed with the idea but she had pushed it to the back of her mind and reprimanded herself.

"Peyt? Honey, are you still there?"

"Yeah… yeah Brooke…" She shifted her gaze to Sawyer who had managed to crawl to the hallway. She placed the keys back on the coffee table. "Look, Brooke. I have to go but I'll call you later."

"Alright honey, I'll talk to you later then… I love you."

"I love you too, bye."

"Sawyer?" Peyton called craning her neck to the hallway her eyes searching for the toddler. She lifted herself from the carpet when she didn't see her and headed down the hallway towards their bedroom.

"… Where are you hiding little monster?" she called out in a sing-song voice as she opened the door which was slightly ajar. She didn't see her in the bedroom so she went back to the hallway but the rest of the doors were closed meaning she was somewhere in the bedroom.

"…. Sawyer…. Sawyer?" she went back into the bedroom and knelt beside the bed to check under it but she didn't see her. Panic was starting to set in. "Saw…" she started but stopped when she noticed that the bathroom door was slightly open.

She pushed the door open and stopped right in her tracks.

Her breath caught in her throat and she stopped thinking.

Time and understanding and all of existence clashed together in a single moment, a moment when a hundred realizations and memories converged within her.

"Sawyer!" She screamed as she tore through across the bathroom she could feel her body slipping into some sort of robotic mode, where her arms and legs continued to move without cognitive connection whatsoever. "Sawyer…" She screamed her name again, breathlessly, frantically.

Sawyer was in the toilet bowl head down, unmoving, drowning, maybe already dead.

She quickly reached down the toilet and pulled her out. An alarm went off in her head on how the baby felt still in her arms. She rushed to the bedroom with the now limp baby in her arms, grabbed her phone and dialed 9-1-1.

"9-1-1 what's your emergency?" As the emergency operator answered, her mind was screaming_… she is not breathing._

She was not breathing.

Panic knocked the wind from her.

She shouted into her phone. "My baby is not breathing….Oh my God! do something please… Sawyer!" She shook the infant in her arm while screaming frantically. "Sawyer… please open your eyes."

"Please ma'am, calm down and tell me what's happening." The operator tried to get Peyton's attention.

She couldn't remember much from then. It was all a hazy memory. She didn't know how the paramedics got there and how she had told them their address. All she could remember was one of the paramedics taking Sawyer from her arms while two held her fighting form back. Sawyer on the floor of the bathroom her chest being compressed while the paramedic pinched her nose, covering her tiny mouth with his and blowing a burst of air into her lungs. Then more chest compressions again as two others prepared to give her the oxygen mask. She was staring at her baby's eyes willing them to open. _Open your eyes sweetheart… open them for mommy…baby girl, do it for me._

She saw her being placed in a stretcher and one of the paramedics explaining that Sawyer needed immediate emergency care.

"We have a pulse." The paramedic working on Sawyer was breathless, sweat dripping down the sides of his face. "But she is not breathing on her own."

She wasn't sure if she could stand, wasn't sure she could speak but a raspy question came from a tormented place in her soul. "Will she… will she be okay?"

"We are trying our best…"

"No, don't try. Promise me. Promise me." She started screaming at the paramedic flailing her arms as the two still held her back. "Promise me my baby will be fine."

"Ma'am, you have to calm down. We are taking her to the hospital and you are coming with us." The paramedic turned to the rest of the group giving out instructions on what to do.

They lifted the stretcher and headed out to the ambulance. They rolled in the stretcher and beckoned her to get in. All she remembers from the ambulance ride to the hospital is the paramedics working at a feverish pace as she held her daughter's limp hand in her.

Lucas had received a call from the local hospital in the middle of practice requesting him to get there. He was not given any more information but a strange feeling was already gnawing at his soul, the skin around his neck and chest felt two sizes too small. He rushed over to Bobby and requested him to drive him to the hospital.

As they drove to the hospital, all he could think about was the last time he had rushed Peyton to the hospital when he found her bleeding in their bedroom. His heart had dropped to the floor right to where she had been. _I hope it's nothing serious… let it be nothing serious._

"Thanks –thanks for driving me here, I know you have to get back to the gym, I'll call you later." Lucas said as Bobby hit the brakes in the parking lot of the hospital. He sprang into action tearing out of the car into the hospital towards the front desk.

He inquired from the front desk nurse if there was a Peyton Scott who had come to the hospital. The nurse at the reception kindly requested him to take a seat while she found someone to talk to him. Which of course was impossible so he begun pacing back and forth within the waiting room.

He saw her coming towards him in the corridor. She was still wearing the clothes he had left her in that morning and her face was tear-stained. Her hair was in a mess and she was walking shakily like she couldn't wait to get to his arms.

His eyes met hers and he knew, knew before he reached her, before any word was spoken that something was wrong with Sawyer.

"Lucas..." Her voice was raspy and a single sob escaped her.

She was ghostly white, disheveled and trembling. He quickly closed the distance between them and held her tightly against his chest. "Sawyer, is she okay? What… what happened?"

Her head was buried in his chest with her arms tightly around him. "Peyton, please… what happened and where is she?"

"Sh….she…I…I…oh God….my baby...." She sobbed into his chest, gasping for air. "She fell… in…in the toilet." She finally managed to tell him through the sobs and gasping.

Lucas' mouth fell open. He stepped back and stared at Peyton almost swaying. "What?"

Spots filled his vision, moving in slow hazy circles and a tingling sensation began in his fingertips and forearms. His breathing grew shallow. "No!" he shouted blinking hard and rapidly. He held Peyton's shoulders and shook her. "This is not happening; it's a dream, a nightmare, right?" He moved away from her, searching frantically.

"Peyton moved her jaw to speak, but no words came out."

"Where is she? I want to see her." He headed towards the door marked 'ER' but was stopped by a male nurse who had been at the front desk.

"I want to see my daughter." He shouted as he shoved the nurse away. Peyton who had followed him tried to pull him close but he was stiff, unwilling to be comforted. Two other nurses came and calmly asked him to wait in the waiting room. He gave up and angrily headed back to the waiting room.

Peyton felt as if the room around her was shifting, waxing and waning and making it hard for her to focus. Lucas seemed to be in a daze, eyes vacant and he refused to be comforted. She dropped onto a nearby chair, her chin on her chest as she stared at her knees. She had never been good with dealing with emotional distress and Lucas was making this harder for her.

Lucas on the other hand was almost walking a hole into the floor of the waiting room. He was getting angrier by the second, no one was telling them anything and every doctor or nurse he ran to talk to, told him to wait.

-----------------------------------------

According to the wall clock in the waiting room, twenty three freaking minutes had passed since he arrived at the hospital but it seemed like a lifetime. He couldn't bring himself to think about the last time he had seen Sawyer waving to him _'bye bye'_ as he left the house that morning, it was too painful.

Lucas shifted his gaze to his wife and noticed that she was visibly shaking. He walked over to where she was sitting and crouched in front of her. He reached for her hands which were folded across her lap; they were as cold as ice. "You're freezing." He removed his coat and draped it over her shoulders.

"I'm ok," she said waving away the comment, "I just need to know if she will be fine-" she trailed off, "she is so small and innocent for life to be this harsh to her, you know?" She pulled Lucas' jacket tighter and wiped a stray tear with the back of her hand.

He wanted to tell her that it would be okay, that the doctor would come find them and tell that Sawyer was fine and that they could take her home. He wanted to promise her that they would soon celebrate their daughter's first birthday soon and that they would live happily ever after like she had once promised but he didn't. This was not the time to make promises that he was not sure about. He tipped her face up gently and promised the only thing he was sure he could keep "Hey, we are going to make it through this, I promise."

---------------------------------

Haley was scribbling something on a sheet of paper on top of the piano when the phone rang. The cordless receiver was on a table a few feet away from the piano. She hopped off her stool, and grabbed the phone on the second ring. "Hello?"

"Haley…" The voice at the other end was strangled and tight with fear.

"Yes?" She couldn't really make out who it was and the voice sounded strange but familiar.

"It's Lucas…" he released a shaky breath and hesitated. "I need your help."

"Of course." Her heart skipped a beat at his tone. "What is it? What's wrong?"

"It's… Sawyer…we are at the hospital."

"_Sawyer? At the hospital?_ Haley passed her hand through her hair and massaged her neck. "What's wrong with her?"

Silence shouted on the other end. Lucas exhaled slowly and reminded himself to breathe.

"Lucas… tell me what happened."

"I don't know the details Hales… Pey…Peyton found her in the toilet. No one is telling us anything and… I just don't know."

Haley gasped. "No… Luke, no!" She dropped to the ground still holding the phone. "Oh, God Luke! I'm so so sorry." Her voice was no longer familiar. "I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Haley… could you please call Brooke and tell her? I'm sure Peyton would love for her to be here."

"Of course."

There was nothing more to be said so he ended the call.

Haley remained on the ground still in shock. Terror seized her and she felt nauseous. She gripped the phone tightly to her chest. Calls had to be made to the rest of their friends and she would be the bearer of the bad news. She held her breath as she dialed Brooke's phone; this was bound to be the hardest call of them all.

---------------------------------

What do you think is Lucas is up to based on the phone conversation between Peyton and Brooke?

How will the Scott family handle the tragedy?

Please review, review, review. Tell me what you would like to see changing, what you would like to see more of or just simply if I should continue or not.

Next Chapter: **Her Ghost In The Fog**


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Thanks a million times to all those who reviewed. I have to say, all your reviews touched my heart and I had to change the direction of this story which is why I didn't update sooner. You will all thank me later after the dark chapters are done with. Please, please keep reviewing, your thoughts and corrections inspire me.

Disclaimer: I still don't own OTH or anything.

**All You Can't Leave Behind Part Two**

Lucas was leaning against the wall glancing every now and then at the corridor hoping to see a doctor or a nurse heading towards them. Peyton was still sitting in the same position, gaze transfixed on her knees. Peyton had still not told Lucas what had happened and he had not asked.

He saw a doctor walking towards them with a clipboard and stopped next to Peyton probably recognizing her from earlier when Sawyer had been brought in.

"Sawyer Scott?"

She straightened quickly from her chair, urging her legs to be strong. "Yes." She whispered back. Lucas was at her side in a flash.

"What's going on… is she going to be okay?" Lucas' voice was laced with fear and his eyes were screaming for a reason to hope, a reason to believe that Sawyer would be okay. "We have been here for more than half an hour and no one is saying anything."

"Can I please talk to you in my office?" the doctor patiently requested noting the desperation on both parents faces. He had dealt with many distraught families and he knew how to handle them.

"Of course." Peyton whispered and moved to follow the doctor. As the doctor ushered them into his office, she felt Lucas reaching out for her hand, the first contact he had made since she had told him about the accident.

They sat in the chairs opposite and after the brief formalities; the doctor went straight to the point. There was no easy way of informing people about their loved ones, he had done this so many times but it didn't get easier.

He pursed his lips and began. "Your daughter's breathing is still supported and her heartbeat is irregular." He pinched the bridge of his nose and slowly leaned forward in his desk. "Her brain is swelling and we don't know if it will continue to. We can't tell how long she was under the water but it seems like she might have been in for a minute or more." He bit his lip and gave the parents a minute to process the information.

The doctor's words echoed around the room, sinking into both their minds and leaving a trail of fear as they sank in. "Is…is she in pain? Can we see her?" Peyton questioned in a strangled whisper.

"She is being administered with pain medication to manage any pain she might be experiencing due to the brain swell. At the moment we are performing scans to determine if her brain has been damaged and if so, to what extent." The doctor breathed hard through his nose. "After we get the results, we will know which steps to take. You will see her as soon as we are done with the tests."

"If…if her brain is not damaged, she will be okay, won't she?" Lucas asked the swell in his throat making it hard for him to talk.

"We have to wait until we get the scan results," the doctor repeated. Lucas' heart sank. That wasn't a yes, or a reassurance of any kind. His eyes moved over to Peyton and he could see the paleness of her cheeks.

It really didn't take a genius to know that lack of oxygen to the brain causes brain damage. Sawyer being still a toddler would be affected immensely if she had lacked oxygen for the minutes the doctor had said. She would have to live the rest of her life unable to speak or move her limbs. She would be doomed to spend the rest of her life being tube fed, strapped to a bed or a wheelchair.

The floor fell away and all Peyton could see was a huge, massive hole. She hunched over in her chair, elbows on her knees, feeling like she'd been punched. A heavy pit formed in her stomach. She felt nauseous. _Please…let her be okay._

Pain seized Lucas', searing through his heart like a bullet. He gripped his armrest so tightly, his knuckles hurt. He stared at the wall rapidly blinking away the tears that were threatening to fall. He finally gave up the battle and let them stream down his face.

Peyton was shaking; her face had become paler and clammy. She lifted her tired eyes, turning to Lucas and held his gaze. She then lifted her hand towards him. "Lucas..."

He felt himself moving forward as he knelt besides her chair and held her in a tight embrace.

"Lucas-" her voice was barely a whisper- "what are we going to do?"

He held her tightly until her crying subsided then he spoke in a soft tone near the side of her face. "She is strong, she will fight this." She nodded against his shoulder fighting of a wave of nausea. "It'll be okay, Peyton. It'll be."

----------------------------------------------------------

By seven o'clock that night, Haley and Brooke had made the four hour journey to Charleston and were at the hospital with Lucas and Peyton. Nathan had stayed in Tree Hill with Jamie as he was still in school and would join them later. Nathan had called Chase and requested him to drive Haley and Brooke to Charleston as he would be more emotionally stable.

Peyton was huddled in between Haley and Brooke while Lucas sat next to Haley. She was more composed now except for the occasional sob but had been a mess when she saw her friends. Lucas had explained the situation and what the doctor had told them to their shocked friends. Silence engulfed everyone, all thoughts on the little girl who had entered their world a few months ago in the most dramatic way but had stolen all their hearts.

"Lucas Scott?"

"Yes…" He looked up and saw Dr. Landon; he had been introduced to them earlier as a doctor who specialized in brain injuries. He had met with them briefly and had given them an update on Sawyers condition. They were still not allowed to see their daughter as she was still undergoing tests and was under strict observation.

"Could I have a word with you and Mrs. Scott?"

Lucas offered his hand to Peyton as he stood to follow the doctor out of the room. She pulled away from Brooke's embrace, wiped her sleeve across her face and placed her hand in his.

Once again, they were ushered into Dr. Landon's office where they had sat earlier as he basically explained what his role would be in treating Sawyer. He had also gently explained to them what brain damage would mean for Sawyer and the impact it would have on her life.

Now as they sat in his office for the second time that day, they noticed the doctor looked grim and seemed to be avoiding direct eye contact.

"We have completed the brain scans on your daughter and I have just received the results." Dr. Landon spoke softly, his voice full of compassion as he prepared to give the Scott's news about their daughter.

"-and?" Lucas' knees shook, he had prepared his mind for every worst case scenario but he was still not prepared for what the doctor said next.

The doctor breathed hard through his nose. "I'm afraid her brain is damaged." He removed the glasses that were balancing on the tip of his nose placing them on his desk. "She has severe brain damage." The doctor clenched his jaw as he saw the hope, he had seen earlier in the parents eyes disappear.

"ohmyGod…" Peyton lifted her fingers and covered her mouth in shock. She had cried so much in the last hours that she did not even feel the tears as they streamed down her face. She felt her body going numb from the pain. She couldn't even compare the feeling in her heart to how she had felt when her mother had passed away. This was far much worse; it was like her heart had been ripped off her chest.

Lucas tried to remember what the doctor had been explaining earlier before the scans were performed. Dr. Landon had explained to them that if her brain was damaged, there was a chance that she could live but would not be able to do normal things like eat, walk or talk. Now, he couldn't imagine his beautiful Sawyer, living the rest of her life confined to a paralyzed mind and body. _Maybe it would have been better if she had died to save her all this pain and suffering._ He watched helplessly as Peyton cried, great heaving sobs. He felt her pain like a lead weight but he couldn't comfort her as the same pain was eating away at his heart, mind and body. He wished someone would wake him up and end the nightmare.

"Can…can we see her now?" Peyton's voice broke his painful chain of thoughts, her voice small and timid. Lucas couldn't bring himself to speak so he just nodded, his eyes pleading to the doctor.

"Of course…" Dr. Landon sighed. He went on to explain that Sawyer would look different and there would be swelling but nothing prepared them to how she looked when they were finally taken to see her. Her room was eerily silent with the steady beep from the monitors. She looked smaller in her hospital cot with tubes going through her nose and mouth covering most of her face. She did not look anything like the little bundle of happiness that had changed their lives in the past ten months. Her face was swollen, the skin around her eyes was thick and bunched so her eyelids were grotesque slits. It was a very sore sight for any human being let alone her parents.

---------------------------------------

They had been standing on either side of their daughter's bedside for thirty minutes hoping that she would give them the slightest hope that she was still there, inside somewhere but there was no change in her condition. They hovered over her, whispering to her, terror etched in the lines around their eyes. Other than a few functional statements, no words were spoken between the parents, all focus was on Sawyer.

He had been stroking her tiny head, passing his fingers through Sawyer's tiny blonde locks that she had inherited from her mother when his hand grazed Peyton's. He made eye contact with her for the first time since they had entered Sawyer's room and he saw fear, pain and strangely enough, he saw a strange sort of guilt.

She looked away quickly when he held his gaze and nervously started to straighten the duvet covering Sawyer. He went around the bed to where she was hunched over Sawyer and pulled her in for a hug. Her body seemed smaller and fragile and he could tell the guilt was eating at her conscience but he honestly couldn't bring himself to question her.

"I…I'm… a horrible mom." she whispered softly as she buried her face into his chest he barely made out what she had said.

His heart sank to his shoes. He'd been right; it had been guilt he'd seen in her eyes. He pulled her closer. "Peyton…"

Ever since he found out about the accident, he had wanted to know what had happened, the details, the moments that had led to Sawyer's accident but he couldn't. It was too painful besides, none of that could change what had happened. Emotions had also been so raw that he had been afraid Peyton would think that he was blaming her.

She pulled away from him and pulled the jacket around her tightly. "She was out of my sight for barely… a few seconds." A sob worked its way through her body. "She was right there in the hallway…"

"Peyton-" He caught her shoulders, "- we can't do this right now."

She looked up at him slowly, her eyes filled with tears and pushed away from him. "You can go ahead and blame me Luke-" She sniffed, as she wrapped her arms across her chest and slowly made her way across the room and leant on a wall. "- I should have been watching her." She sank down the wall pulling her knees closer to chest as fresh tears spilled from her eyes.

"Our daughter… is laying in a coma Peyton…we can not reverse what has happened." He hissed louder than he had expected but lowered his voice when he saw her flinch. He had not meant to get angry at her and he knew at some point, fingers would start pointing but this was just not the time. "I am not blaming you… and I don't even for a second, question your mothering ability-" he looked up to the ceiling as if asking for some divine intervention. "- we… need to…to stay strong for her." He wiped his eyes with one hand and pinched the bridge of his nose turning to look at Sawyer.

He felt the walls of the small hospital room closing in on him as he held her limp hand. He stood at her bedside for a few moments when he remembered their friends in the waiting room. "Haley and Brooke are still in the waiting room… I'll go talk to them." He leant over his daughter's tiny form and kissed her forehead. He closed the hospital door behind him and leant heavily on it. His head and chest felt like they would explode. He suddenly felt his knees going weak and he felt nauseous. The last thing he wanted to do was fight with Peyton when his daugter was lying in a coma.

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Chase had had to drive back to Tree Hill as he couldn't get a replacement for Tric within such short notice for his shift. He had made arrangements with Joe, the guy who worked the shift before him to cover for him three more hours before he got back. He had felt so guilty for leaving the women alone in the waiting room but Haley assured him that they would be fine and that she would update him with any news.

Brooke was gnawing on her lip nervously while Haley tried her best to calm her. "Why aren't they coming back to tell us anything?" She asked Haley for the thousandth time since Lucas and Peyton left with the doctor.

Haley took Brooke's hand and rubbed it with hers. "I don't know… probably they are still with the doctor." She exhaled shaking her head. "I can't even bring myself to imagine what they are feeling right now." She sat back in her chair and closed her eyes. "I really hope…that Sawyer will be okay."

Brooke looked at her and nodded mutely. She held on tightly to Haley's hand and hoped for a miracle for her dear goddaughter.

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A knot the size of a bowling ball seized Lucas' heart. _Was the universe punishing him for suggesting that Peyton abort their daughter? Why had fate allowed their daughter to be born only for her to be taken from them so soon? _By the time he made his way to the waiting room to inform their friends, he was a mess. Haley rushed and embraced him when he entered the room.

"Lucas…" Brooke started panicking. "What is it?"

He shook his head hard and lifted his eyes to the ceiling trying to keep the tears from falling. "She…" he searched for a strength he couldn't find to muster. "Sawyer-." He said in a soft whisper, "The… results showed that-" his voice was thick and he waited until he had more control. "-her brain… is damaged."

Gasps were heard from the two women as the news sank in. The shock was clearly great as no one said anything instead; they gathered into a group hug and held on as quiet tears streamed down their faces.

"Where's Peyton?" Brooke asked amidst her tears.

"She's in Sawyers room." Lucas said as he sucked in a slow breath, he knew Peyton needed someone to comfort her and he was grateful to Brooke for taking doing so. "Room 876, it's the second last room on the left."

Brooke nodded and slowly made her way to Sawyers room. She had seen Peyton through her best and worst times and this time would be no different. She would stay by her best friend for as long as she needed her, that much she was sure of.

"You know… she is blaming herself," he said sighing sadly as he sat on one of the chairs after Brooke left. Haley squeezed his shoulder as she sat down next to him. He turned towards her and saw a deep sense of sympathy in her eyes. She did not know what to tell him to ease his pain so she just rubbed his back comfortingly.

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Brooke stood outside the door and tried to compose herself before she went in but she knew her eyes would betray the fact that she had been crying. She knocked on the door once and pushed it open. Peyton was standing gripping the railing on her daughter's hospital bed with her eyes closed. The scene tugged at Brooke's heart and tears welled up in her eyes. She had promised herself not to cry in front of Peyton but she was not sure she could keep that promise as her eyes shifted to the little girl. _No amount words would be appropriate for comfort_ she thought as she reached her hand out across the bed to Peyton's hand and gave it a squeeze.

Peyton opened her now very puffy eyes and studied Sawyer as Brooke brushed her fingers across the tiny girl's forehead which was almost the only visible part of her face.

"Hi, there… beautiful girl…" Brooke cooed at the baby softly. "You are gonna fight this, I know you will. And…" she sniffed, "I can't wait to see your beautiful smile again. We all love you…so…so…much."

Brooke glanced sadly at her best friend who had gone through so much in her short life. She, at only twenty four years of age, was not supposed to be standing over her ten month old baby who had drowned. It was really unfair of whoever was controlling life to continue handing her blow after blow, she deserved a break dammit. Brooke took Peyton's hand into hers again as she wondered if Peyton would be able to survive this latest curveball. "Peyton…I am here for you, we all are…and…we will get through this." Peyton didn't say anything instead she squeezed Brooke's hand and nodded her head after a few seconds.

"She is so… beautiful." Peyton whispered after a while as she stroked her baby's hair. Brooke looked at Peyton and saw her hollow tear-filled eyes looking down at Sawyer. She could only nod as the swell in her throat was choking her. She squeezed Peyton's hand once again as it took her everything in her not to burst into tears.

Peyton closed her eyes again in an attempt to shut out the pain that was weighing heavily in her heart. She had replayed that afternoon's scene over and over in her head. How could she have possibly known that Sawyer would crawl into the bathroom so fast? She could picture the little girl pulling herself up and the peering down the toilet. Sawyer had developed a fascination with water and would squeal excitedly especially if she could make out her reflection in the water. Peyton could picture her trying to reach for the water when she toppled over due to her being top-heavy.

Suddenly it occurred to her, the tension bar that baby proofed the toilet had not been engaged if her baby's little hands had been able to lift the lid. Someone, well, Lucas had forgotten to engage the device, the result, her daughter had drowned.

She felt her stomach churning; her chest tightened as she felt like someone had ripped off her lungs. Her own guilt dimmed as she remembered how many times she had reminded Lucas to ensure that he had engaged the device especially after Sawyer had started crawling. As much as it was her fault for letting Sawyer out of her sight for a few minutes, it was his fault too that their baby had drowned.

Peyton doubled over for a few intense seconds. She saw Brooke rushing to her side but she didn't hear a word she said. She stared at the scuffed hospital floor and lifted her head. "Brooke, will you please watch her for a few minutes." She said in a voice which she did not recognize as hers. Brooke nodded wondering what had come over Peyton as she could see there was a fire in her eyes.

She tore towards the waiting room urging her legs to carry her faster. Lucas was seated with Haley holding his hand. His head hung low and he didn't see Peyton until she was standing a few feet from him. He stood up quickly thinking she had come to get him for Sawyer.

"Peyton-" he stood abruptly making his way to meet her.

"You!" She pointed an angry finger at him and hissed. "How could you be so careless?" she glared at him, her eyes narrow and angry.

"Peyton, what are you talking about?" Lucas reeled back horrified by how angry she was.

"How many times have I reminded you? Huh?" She felt the anger boiling over and she took a shaky breath. "Sawyer fell inside the toilet because you, you stupidly forgot to put the bar in place." Tears were sliding down Peyton's cheeks but she wiped them away furiously with the back of her hands.

"I…I…I'm…" Lucas opened his mouth to speak but shut it. He hung his head helplessly in guilt as tears pricked his eyes.

Haley quickly took it upon herself to intervene as they were already attracting attention from other people in the waiting room. "Peyton…you need to calm down. You are causing a scene. Just… calm down and we will talk about this." She desperately reached for Peyton's hand to direct her to a seat but Peyton recoiled.

"Don't," she said fiercely turning to Haley, her voice full of venom. "Don't you dare defend him. This is between me-" she pointed a finger to her chest, "-and him." She poked her finger at his chest. "You sel-" She started but stopped suddenly when she spotted Brooke racing towards them.

She was breathless and her eyes wide. "Peyton…Lucas…" she was screaming hysterically "You have to get to Sawyer's room."

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Sorry, for the cliff…Please review, review and let me know what you think. Next chapter is almost done and I will post as soon as I get those awesome reviews.


	7. Chapter 7

I wont get tired of thanking the awesome reviewers who were kind enough to leave some reviews.

Disclaimer: I don't own OTH

**WALKING WITH A GHOST**

"She moved her fingers." Brooke had shouted interrupting whatever feud that had been brewing in the waiting room. "I swear I felt them move while I was holding her hand."

Lucas and Peyton had raced to Sawyer's room after Brooke's outburst in a flash.

"Really?" Peyton questioned unbelieving as she stood at the bedside. She held her daughter's tiny hand in hers and hoped with everything in her that Brooke was right.

"Sawyer?" Peyton lifted her daughter's hand to study the tiny fingers. "Oh my God! Her fingers moved…did you see that?" Peyton's tone was shrill and upbeat. Her heart soared and the tiny glimmer of hope that had been fading became alive.

Lucas was about to reach out for her hand when her fingers moved again. "Oh my God…she moved her fingers." He said in awe as he held her other hand. At the same time, a soft sound came from her throat.

Lucas couldn't wait. He spun around and quickly ran into the hall where he met with Dr. Landon. One of the nurses on the front desk had paged him thinking there was an emergency. "Dr. Landon, quick…"

Dr. Landon walked briskly hoping that the little girl had not taken a turn for the worse. "Is she-"

"She moved her fingers!" Lucas interrupted him, his voice full of hope.

The doctor followed Lucas into the hospital room where he found the nurses checking the monitors for her vital signs. He requested the family to step aside from the bed. Brooke reached out her hand to Peyton who gratefully took it in hers. Lucas had to keep reminding himself to breathe as he waited for the doctor to say something.

After a few minutes, Dr. Landon turned to them and grinned. "She's breathing on her own."

Peyton let out a cry as Lucas exhaled in relief. "Does…does that mean her brain might be okay?"

A shadow fell across the doctor's face. "We are still a long way from knowing. She's really clinging to life by a thread. We have to monitor if her brain swells any more, only then can we assess the extent of her damage. The next three days are very critical and will determine her outcome. I have to be honest with you; we still have a long road ahead of us." He said as he moved towards the door.

The awe, hope and joy that they had all felt, dissipated almost instantly with the doctor's words.

Lucas clenched his jaw as he watched Peyton hurry back to Sawyer's side. She started whispering to her. "Sweetheart…we're here for you… please….please…come back to us."

The next three days would determine if their daughter would die or would live.

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A week had passed since the Sawyer's accident; her doctors had declared her stable after the three days. Her brain had not swelled and she was now breathing on her own. She was fighting to stay alive even though she was still in a coma, still hooked to feeding tubes and monitors. Lucas and Peyton still had tall mountains to climb over even though the situation looked better, now that she was breathing on her own. They had been warned that their daughter could stay in a coma for the rest of her life and improvement would be very slight and was hardly guaranteed. They chose to believe that the little girl would fight this.

Stress was getting to Peyton; everyone could see it. Her eyes had dark circles beneath them. Her shoulders hunched and her clothes that normally fitted her were now loose as though she had lost weight in places where she had no weight to lose.

Haley had taken up her role, mothering everyone. She cooked dinner, shopped for groceries, ensured that everyone had whatever they needed and sat in the waiting room or Sawyer's room for hours on end. There was just one thing that was weighing heavily in her heart- how Lucas and Peyton had taken to relating to each other.

The tension between Lucas and Peyton had become unbearable. No one failed to notice how things had become so desperate between them. They only talked when they had to, avoiding each other like the plague. They met up together only when the doctor requested them to meet in his office. Haley had tried to get Peyton to talk to Lucas but her plea fell on deaf ears.

"Peyton…you really need to talk to him and resolve whatever-" she had said, waving her hand in front of her "-is going on between you two. Blaming each other is not going to change anything. You will end up pushing each other away instead of dealing with this together. He is really crushed right now and it would really help if at least you…said something to him."

"I would-" She had turned to Haley with a dead look in her eyes – "but I just can't bring myself to talk to him."

Haley had chosen to let the matter rest at that. They all had plenty on their plates but, she was afraid that it would certainly wedge a rift in their marriage. She decided to give a last attempt of reconciling the two by talking to Lucas before she left for Tree Hill.

She found him alone in Sawyers room doing what he did best- brood. His head was cupped in his hands his elbows placed on the bed. She knocked softly and watched as his head jerked up.

"Hey", she said softly.

"Hey."

"How's she doing today?"

Lucas let out a sigh and nodded his head after a few seconds. "She's… still hanging in there."

Haley nodded hopefully as she walked slowly towards Sawyers bed. "Think you can step out for a sec? Just around the hospital… I've talked to a nurse and she will be watching her." She explained when she saw the hesitation on his face.

He glanced at Sawyer and stood up after a moment. "I'll be back in a sec sweetheart… I love you." He leaned over and kissed her forehead.

From Sawyers room down the elevator, they didn't say a word until they were outside. They fell in stride holding hands like they had since they were small kids.

"Lucas, I…I have to go back to Tree Hill tomorrow." Haley spoke after a few minutes of walking in silence. "…I'm really feeling guilty for leaving… but Jamie needs me and there are things that need to be attended to at the label. Nathan will be here with Jamie over the weekend and I will come back as soon as I can."

"Its okay, Hales. I mean- I don't know what I would have done without your support for the past week" he said. "You've really helped me through it all." Lucas said. "The doctor said that recovery will take time and Jamie needs you, don't feel bad about that. I will keep you updated with her progress."

They walked on until they came across a bench where Haley directed them to sit. "She is a fighter." Haley leaned back on the bench extending her hand to his shoulder. "She has made so much progress in the first week…I know she will make it through this."

"Yeah…the doctors are amazed at her progress."

After sitting in silence watching people as they strolled by, Haley sighed and slowly turned to face him. "I'm just really… worried about you and Peyton though."

Lucas sighed and shut his eyes. This was something he really didn't want to talk about. He had been deeply hurt by Peyton's accusation and the more he thought about it, the angrier he got. She had placed all the blame on him, completely overlooking the fact that she was the one who should have been watching their daughter more closely.

"How are you two coping?"

Lucas snorted. He had spoken countable words to Peyton- that was while Brooke was towering over her and burning holes into him. He was not mad at Brooke, no. Taking care of Peyton was like second nature to her, it came naturally. He was mad at Peyton for allowing it to happen, for letting Brooke comfort her while she could have come to him. They were married dammit, they were supposed to do this together regardless of whom was to blame or who let what happen. At the end of the day, it should have been his arms that Peyton sought to find comfort in but she chose not to.

"Lucas, come on. Talk to me", Haley quietly begged. Lucas let out a weary breath and shook his head leaning forward as he placed his elbow on his knees.

"I don't know what to say Hales, you were there…you heard her blaming me", he said with a shaky voice.

"Have you talked about the accident?" she asked gently.

He scoffed bitterly. "She won't even look at me; she can't stand being in the same room with me", he paused and shook his head sadly. "This one time… I found her at home and I tried… but… we ended up fighting. She has not spoken to me since then."

----------------Flash back -------------------

_Sawyer had been in the hospital for four days now. The critical period that the doctors had warned them about had passed. Everyone felt relief wash over them even though she still had a long way from any where close to recovery. Lucas and Peyton had put aside there differences and stayed religiously at their daughter's bedside during that period but now that Sawyer seemed to pulling through, the distance between them increased._

_The adults had settled into a routine. Peyton stayed at the hospital night and day with either Haley or Brooke. She came home during the day to take a shower or change clothes. Lucas took advantage of the times Peyton was not in Sawyers room, he would sit with her, read a book or just talk to her. The few times that they found themselves both in her room were so uncomfortable that one of them often opted to leave. _

_He let himself into his quiet home. He had been to see Bobby ealier in the afternoon, making arrangements about when he would be able to work and stuff. Bobby was very understanding and arranged for him to work in the mornings and get the afternoons off for as long as Sawyer was in the hospital. Even though they still had money from sales of both his books, he needed to work to cover the hospital bills as they were still not sure how long Sawyer would be in hospital. _

_He tossed his jacket on the back of the chair and glanced at his watch. It was just after nine. Peyton and Brooke were probably still at the hospital. He had spoken to Haley about an hour ago; she had been at their home making dinner. _

_A deep pounding ache tore at his head, permeating his brain, his consciousness. He tried with both thumbs to rub away some of the pain, but after a few minutes he still felt the pain. He was sleep deprived, anxious, tension and worry was embedded into his muscles. He needed a shower badly and some food._

_He entered his bedroom which was dark but he could make out a mound on the bed. He was sure it was a pile of clothes Peyton had left on the bed as he didn't expect her to be home. He reached for the switch and flipped the lights on. Peyton was lying on the bed with her back to him. She was not asleep as he had seen her tense up when the lights came on. He could choose to completely ignore her presence and walk out of the room or he could man up and acknowlegde her._

_An uneasy silence followed that made Lucas struggle, wondering what he could do or say to ease the tension between them. His mind grasped for something that would ease the tension. _

"_Hi." _

_Silence._

"_Peyton..."_

_Silence._

"_So, this is how it's going to be?" he sighed sadly. "She is my daughter too Peyton… and… I am hurting just as much as you are hurting."_

_Silence._

"_Fine." He huffed in frustratration clenching his jaw. "I can take you not talking to me…but you blame me Peyton…and I don't know if I really forgot to engage the device-"_

"_You didn't." Peyton barked as she swung her legs off the bed to stand and face him. "Don't deny it Lucas, you didn't."_

_Lucas' face grew angry at the accusation. "That's not fair Peyton…how can you blame me…when I have never asked you where you were when the accident happened?"_

"_Oh… so now you think I was not a mother enough to her? Is that what you think Lucas?" she moved a step closer to him pointing a finger at him. "So, you are finally admitting that you blame me."_

"_Don't put words in my mouth." Lucas raised his voice. _

"_You didn't have to say it in words. Besides, shouldn't you be happy…you didn't want her in the first place." Lucas stared at Peyton, astonished that she could say something so hurtful to him. "You do reme-"_

"_Stop!" The shout came out before Lucas could think, "Peyton… I know you are hurting, but don't say something that you won't be able to take back." _

"_Like how you can't take back how you suggested 'we end it'?" _

_Lucas felt his control dissolve. Angry tears filled his eyes and he clenched his fists. "I'm just going to pretend that you didn't say those words to me. The last thing I want is to fight with you when our daughter is fighting for her life."_

"_Right…walk away…wouldn't want to be in your way." She paved way for him and gestured to the door as sarcasm dripped from her words._

_Lucas lowered his voice but he couldn't hide his rage. "Don't." his eyes pleaded with her, "Don't say another word that you will live to regret."_

_Peyton raised her eyebrows sarcastically. "There are lots of things I regret about today, loving you is at the top of that list." _

"_You know what? I can't do this." He threw his hands in mock surrender as he backed away from her. "We are a family Peyton; our love should be deep enough to help us through this."_

_She huffed; the anger in her tone sending a chill down his arms. "My baby is lying in hospital…excuse me for not feeling 'in love' with you right now."_

"_Well that's sad to know because, I vowed before God, my family and friends to always love you no matter what…and that's what I'll do." He paused for a moment, catching his breath and collecting his thoughts. "I'll always love you… every moment of my life, no matter how much you detest me or what we go through." Tears filled his eyes and his face twisted in pain. "You and… Sawyer, are my world." Lucas broke off, two tears trickling down his face._

"_You have never asked what happened"_

"_Peyton -"_

"_Because you don't care?" her eyes were hard._

"_I care, Peyton…and you know that…it just doesn't matter now."_

"_This is so you… sweep things under the rug, you know…pretend everything is fine-"_

_He sighed wearily. "Peyton, if there's anything you want to say to me- I would rather you say it outright." His words were carefully controlled but they did not hide his frustration. The fight was gone from his voice and in its place was a terrible sadness._

_Peyton's eyes burned with unshed tears. She started to speak, but the words came out in grief stricken sobs. She lifted her hands to her throat and massaged the tightness there. "That afternoon - I was distracted –I was talking to Brooke… and… Sawyer was right there in the hallway." She tried to catch her breath but the sobs continued to wrack her body. Several moments passed before she took another breath and started again. "Some time back I was cleaning out your desk and… I saw this file that contained lots of articles and information about vasectomy."_

"_Those papers-" Lucas started but she cut him off. He sunk down on the bed heavily. His shoulders slumped forward until he was staring at the floor beneath his feet._

"_At first I…I didn't think anything of it, what to make of it… but then it started bugging me. I kept asking myself why you would be researching for information about the procedure" she drew in several quick, jerky breaths and then exhaled slowly, trying to compose herself. I had no idea when and if you were having it done and…I couldn't ask you because clearly you didn't want me to know about it-"_

_He stood up abruptly making his way towards her. "Peyton, I can explain-"_

"_No, Lucas. You had your chance to do so; Sawyer wouldn't be in hospital if you had done so." She tried to maneuver her way out of the bedroom but he blocked her way. "It's all…too late."_

_He was silent for a moment. "What's that supposed to mean?"_

"_Our daughter may recover from this, I'm not sure if we are strong enough to do so." Peyton's voice was flat and she refused to look at him. She didn't give him a chance to respond as she shoved past him. _

------------------- End Flash Back -----------------------

Lucas' shoulders slumped tears welling up in his eyes. "She blames me… Hales-", He paused wiping a stray tear with the back of his hand. "- and… I get it. But Sawyer is my daughter too. I'm also hurting….I really don't know if we will be okay after this." He said dejectedly.

"How can you say that? Lucas—"

Lucas shook his head. "No, Haley…I don't think she will ever forgive me…"

"Lucas…." Haley once again turned to him and placed her hand on his shoulder so he would turn to face her. "Both of you have been through so much together. You guys always manage to find your way back to each other no matter what. You have to keep on believing that even this time, as bad as the situation seems, you will get there. Don't give up on that."

Lucas rubbed his temples and took a deep breath. He wanted to believe Haley with everything in him, to have that same faith that everything would work out but all he could hear was Peyton's voice, _I'm not sure we are strong enough to do so._

"It'll be okay, Luke," Haley assured him covering her hand over his.

He glanced over at the small fountain near the entrance of the hospital, and for a moment, he looked hopeful but sadness clouded his face again. Those were the same words that Peyton had told him when she had convinced him about keeping the pregnancy. He would do anything to hear the same words from that same person again. He merely nodded as he stood to get back inside the hospital.

Haley watched him as he walked back inside, her heart breaking for her best friend. She really hoped that they would find their way back to each other as Sawyer fought her way back to them.

**---------------------------------------------**

**Do you think Peyton's reaction is over the top or Lucas is really to blame? **

**Review, review, review…please pretty please.**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: This is the longest chapter that I have written so far, read on and tell me what you think of it. Btw, thank you so, so much to those who once again left me a review.**

**Bendecida82, you called something in this… **

**Disclaimer****: I don't own OTH (That would make me Mark and I would hate to be that guy…he has lots of haters i.e. LPers.) **

**THE WAY I AM**

Peyton managed to finally settle back in the hospital provided recliner after putting down Sawyer to sleep. The room was dimly lit and silent except for the steady beeps of the monitors that she had grown accustomed to. She snuggled deeper into the chair pulling the blanket around her more tightly. She sighed and reached for the night light that was on the small table behind her and took the copy of magazine that she had yet to finish reading. She skimmed over a photo of anorexic models that were advertising the latest line from Clothes over Bros. _Brooke would never allow size zero models to work for her, this was all Victoria_, she thought.

Clothes over Bros was picking pace again and Peyton was all but happy for her best friend. Brooke had stayed with her for a good one and a half month before she had to go back to Tree Hill. Peyton completely understood and in fact encouraged her to get back to work after all; Brooke had been more help than Peyton could have ever hoped she would be during the whole tragedy.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. She sat up straighter in her chair. She was not expecting any visitors as it was already past visiting hours. Lucas had been at the hospital for the better part of the afternoon with Karen so it was probably one of the night nurses coming to check on Sawyers vitals.

Karen leaned her head inside the hospital room. "Hi, Peyton…hope I'm not interrupting anything"

"Karen, Hi… No, no, no… come on in."

"Is she sleeping?"

"Yes."

Karen walked over to the hospital cot, smoothing down the covers before reaching to stroke her grand daughter's hair. "She sleeps so peacefully…like an angel."

"Yeah…" Peyton replied softly. "I'm hoping the leg cramps will cease completely then she'll be able to sleep for at least six or more hours at night."

"Did you talk to the doctor about them?" Karen asked.

"Yeah…he told me that the medication she is on now will help relax her muscles. He couldn't give her something stronger so we have to wait and see how the new medication works out."

"Her progress still amazes me." Karen said in awe as she looked at Sawyer then Peyton then back to Sawyer again.

"Me too…me too." Peyton whispered back nodding.

Sawyer's progress had shocked the entire health professional body that had been working on her. The doctors were all calling it nothing short of a miracle. Dr. Landon had told the parents he had never seen a case like their daughter's in his twenty years of practicing medicine. Despite the fact that Sawyer was still a toddler and her brain cells were still regenerating so there was no chance of permanent brain damage, she stunned her doctors by being able to sit up just after a month. She was still confined to her bed and was still feeding through her nose tube but her recovery was very promising. She was now doing things that a toddler at developmental stage of five months could do. The only permanent thing from her accident would be the fact that she would develop slower than other kids her age.

"It's someone's birthday tomorrow" Karen whispered to her sleeping granddaughter.

"Yeah…" Peyton felt an otherworldly happiness fill her heart. Her baby would be celebrating her first birthday- something that she had deemed impossible a while back. "I just wish she could have celebrated her first birthday at home."

"Don't worry, she still will... only a few days later." Karen offered. "And she will have many more which I should warn you to enjoy, before she becomes a teenager and she wants to spend her birthday with friends… not her old folks."

"Ha! I'll tie her to a chair with balloon strings." Peyton chuckled at the vision of a teenaged Sawyer, tied up to a chair with balloon strings just so she could spend her birthday with her parents.

Sawyer was being discharged in a week's time which meant that she would be spending her first birthday in hospital. Peyton and Lucas had (separately of course,) pleaded with her doctors to release her before then but they refused on grounds that they still had to do a final batch of tests. Lucas and Peyton also had to undergo a session of training to ease the transition of hospital care to home-nursing. Their family and friends in Tree Hill had wanted to come down for her birthday but the timing would have been awful so instead, they organized to come down a week or two after she was discharged and have a belated birthday/welcome-home party.

Karen took quiet steps around the bed and sat in the chair next to Peyton's. After a few moments of sitting in silence, she pulled Peyton's hand and enveloped it into her hands. "Of course, you remember the other significance of tomorrow." She tilted her head as a soft smile filled her face.

Peyton let out a sigh and didn't speak for a moment. "Yeah." She said sadly as she avoided eye contact with the older woman.

"Look", Karen began, "I know your main concern has been Sawyer and… we know she is going to be fine but…how are you and Lucas doing?"

Peyton's gaze dropped to the floor and she retracted her hand from Karen's hands. There was no use of lying to Karen; she had obviously witnessed the palpable tension between them. "Um…I…I don't know." She answered in a low voice.

Karen turned to Peyton as she took her hand once again and held it in hers. "Peyton… You have seen each other at your best and worst…you have loved each other in ways no one will ever be able to understand. That type of love is one that people rarely find but… you did. Now…you should fight to keep it strong." She took a breath letting Peyton absorb her words. "What happened to Sawyer was a horrible accident but she is fine now...regardless of who did what and who didn't do what."

Peyton raised her brow letting Karen know that she had hit a nerve. The accident was still a sore subject for Peyton. She still simply couldn't understand why no one else saw that Lucas was to blame. It was simple really, if he had told her about the vasectomy, she would not have been talking to Brooke about it on the phone; she would have been watching Sawyer and she wouldn't have drowned. If he had engaged the stupid device, Sawyer wouldn't have fallen in and there would have been no accident. Overall, he was to blame.

"I know… this seems impossible to you but-" Karen took a deep breath and let it out slowly. She did not fail to notice the pained expression that was displayed on Peyton's face. "You need to forgive each other…but before that… you need to forgive yourself." Karen's eyes followed Peyton as she stood from the recliner and stood next to Sawyer's bed.

Karen watched the walls go up around her daughter-in-law's heart; she watched the way her eyes grew hard, her expression stiff. The stubbornness of her son and Peyton never ceased to amaze her.

Peyton gripped the railings on the bed tighter and shook her head slowly. "I don't …" she said in exasperation but stopped not knowing what to say. What really was in her mind was, '_I don't know where to start_.'

In the two months that Sawyer had been in hospital, Peyton and Lucas had at all times been surrounded by either family or friends. Brooke, Haley, Nathan, Karen and even surprisingly Deb had taken turns to come down to support them. It was comforting to always have people around but to their relationship, it was detrimental. The thing is, with people always around them, Lucas and Peyton did not have to spend anytime together alone.

Things had actually gotten even worse after their huge argument. Peyton had moved out of their bedroom. She explained that she couldn't use their bathroom as it held a bad memory which to anyone was a good enough reason but Lucas saw through it all.

"Look," Karen said. "I cooked you guys dinner -"

"No, Ka-" Peyton turned towards Karen shaking her head.

"Peyton…." She gave Peyton a few seconds to think then she touched her shoulder so she would look at her again. "I talked to Lucas, he is waiting for you. Go. I will stay here and watch her. She'll be fine. Go."

Peyton glanced at Karen and crumbled when she saw the kind and concerned eyes that looked back at her. She sighed slowly and nodded. There was no way she would have been able to say no to those eyes.

She leaned in and kissed the sleeping baby's forehead. "See you soon baby, love you." She turned towards Karen as a sad smile graced her lips. She knew Karen only meant well, but either way if she had had a choice, she would have not gone. She moved to the door and before she opened it, she turned and whispered. "Thank you."

---------------------------------------

She had been standing on their front porch for almost thirty minutes before she summed up enough courage to open the front door. It just felt awkward, being alone with Lucas. _What would they talk about? How would they react to each other? Would they have to dress up or just have dinner?_ The questions continued running in her mind until she realized that her answers lay behind the door.

She stepped in and immediately noticed the dimmed lights and the already set table complete with flowers. Soft music was playing in the background and the house smelt delicious. Lucas was not anywhere in sight, at least she had a little more time before she had to meet him.

She shuffled to the guest bedroom which was technically now her bedroom. She lay back on the bed as she contemplated whether or not to take a shower before dinner. She had slept on the hospital recliner for so many nights that she had forgotten the comfort of sleeping in a bed.

"Hi."

She was startled; she had not heard him coming to stand at the door.

"Sorry." He said sheepishly with an apologetic smile as he shoved his hands deep into his pockets, "I thought you'd heard me."

"No, It's fine…um…" she stood up and nervously clasped and unclasped her hands. _If it's this awkward now, how bad will it get later?_ She wondered. She was grateful to see he had not dressed up or anything, she was really hoping that she didn't have to.

"Um…did my mom talk to you…about, you know, dinner."

"Yeah, yeah…just give me a few minutes." Her voice lacked even the tinniest hint of enthusiasm.

He nodded slowly as he turned to leave and shut the door behind him. He was actually surprised that she had actually agreed to the dinner but the biggest surprise yet- she was talking to him.

----------------- EARLIER THAT DAY ---------------------

Karen found Lucas standing in the back porch. He was leaning against a post and she could sense that he was deep in thought. She recalled how most of their important conversations always seemed to happen outdoors. She moved towards him and placed her hand on his shoulder to notify him of her presence. He turned to her and smiled softly before gazing back to the yard.

"So, Lucas…what have you got planned for tomorrow – I mean your anniversary not Sawyer's birthday."

A soft bitter laugh left him as he turned to face Karen. "Mom… Peyton has not even looked at me in more than a month, let alone talking. What makes you think she would want to celebrate our anniversary?"

"I could think of a million things but top of my head is- you love each other despite what you've been through."

"Yeah…" he nodded his head as he let out a sad burst of air. "I used to think the same way too, you know, that love is enough but now…I'm not sure anymore."

Karen turned to her son, her voice gentle. "You know… love happens when you forgive but only through love will you both be able to embrace forgiveness."

I don't think I'm ready for that besides, with the way Peyton has been treating me the past month, I don't think I can think of doing anything even remotely romantic with her." He said defiantly while shaking his head.

"LUCAS EUGENE SCOTT." Karen grabbed his shoulder and forced him to face her.

He winced at the use of his middle name. "Mom-"

"No, Lucas. That is not the kind of man that I raised and I expect no less from you." she glared at him angrily as Lucas grumbled. "I am going to cook you a dinner, set up the table and you are both going to sit and talk. You well know that it is the right thing to do. If you will excuse me, I have dinner to prepare." Karen had not given Lucas room for negotiation and as much as he wanted to be angry at his mom for being pushy, deep down he was grateful.

He had been thinking of what to do for the anniversary the whole week, he knew that Peyton would automatically shoot down any ideas that he came up with but now that his mother was intervening, Peyton would have no choice just like him, but to participate.

--------------------------------

The dinner that Karen had so carefully planned was not going even remotely close to bad as Lucas had imagined, it was worse. Peyton wore a very old oversized t-shirt that she had worn when they had been painting the house and a pair of sweatpants. Her hair, wet from her shower was pulled up in a messy bun. Her whole appearance was a total contrast to the very romantic setting that Karen had worked hard to get right. Although Lucas himself had not dressed up, he felt angry when she did not make any effort to at least look presentable. _Well, at least she even came,_ he thought.

He had attempted to be the perfect gentleman when she approached the table by pulling out a chair for her but she had declined his help, waving for him to sit down. After thirty minutes or so of painful silence and almost forced conversation, she dropped her fork on top of her now cold food and stared at her plate. "I'm not hungry." Her voice was flat as she stood and moved toward the kitchen, aware that Lucas' eyes had followed her.

"Sit down, Peyton."

Lucas' voice was not angry, but neither did it leave room for negotiation. She set her plate in the sink and returned to face her husband. There was nothing she could think to say, so she waited.

"Peyton, this has got to stop"

She sighed and studied the table for a moment. "I really don't feel like talking right now."

Lucas shook his head. "No, Peyton…there will never be a good time. Tomorrow is our first wedding anniversary and we can not even hold a thirty minute conversation. We have to talk about what's going on."

"Okay." She leveled her gaze at Lucas. Her voice sounded tired as she continued. "I'm listening."

Lucas looked at her with hurt in his eyes at her attitude but there was something else that she saw in his eyes. Love. The love in his eyes pierced right through her heart, so much so it pained her to know she was hurting him.

She drew a deep breath and repeated. "Make it quick, I have to get to the hospital early tomorrow to release your mom."

Lucas couldn't have looked more dazed if she had just announced she might like to dye her hair blue. "Quick?"

"Yes." She crossed her arms. "I'm sorry."

Lucas was shocked. Her words reeled through his brain not really making so much sense. He couldn't understand if she was tired or she was angry or it was both but whatever was going on was not settling well with him.

She saw the turmoil on his face and spoke up. "Lucas, it's just-" Her voice was barely a whisper and this time she could feel the tears gathering in her eyes. "I really can't be thinking about 'us' when Sawyer's in hospital. I can't sit here and pretend that we are okay."

He hesitated, a flash of anger skittered across his eyes. "I'm not pretending that we are okay, this was just an attempt that will probably help us to be okay."

"I don't know if we will be okay, Lucas...." She was trembling slightly; the tears that had welled in her eyes were threatening to fall. "I'm sorry."

Lucas was silent and she saw that his eyes were wet, too.

She closed her eyes for a moment and when she opened them she felt stronger than before. She exhaled and steadied her voice. "I'm not doing this to hurt you Lucas; I just think the timing is awful." She leveled her gaze at him and held it there.

His face grew pale, and then contorted in pain in a matter of seconds. He shifted his gaze to her and then, without saying another word, he stood and left for his bedroom.

She stayed at the table for a couple of minutes crying, long after Lucas had gone to his bedroom. She blew out the candles, switched of the lights and the music and dragged her weary feet to her bedroom. It took the rest of her energy to tear back the comforter and buried herself beneath it.

That was when the guilt set in. She felt guilty for ruining the night that Karen had hoped would help bridge the distance between them. She felt guilty of how she had treated Lucas these past few months. How she had shut him out and how she had not met Lucas half way when he tried to smooth out the issues between them. The guilt weighed down on her heart as she thought of how they or more specifically she had let things become this bad.

She needed a drink to dissolve the lump that was currently lodged in her throat. The house was silent and she assumed Lucas must be sleeping or he must have gone to the hospital. She hoped that she would find at least a bottle of wine as she was sure there was no hard drink in the house. A smile crept up her face when she saw a full bottle of wine in one of the top cabinets in the kitchen. With the wine and glass in hand, she moved to the couch where she hoped to drink away her pain in peace.

Lucas was seated on the edge of the bed. He had been seating in that same position since he left Peyton at the table. Everything that had happened during that whole time seemed unreal. He couldn't bring himself to accept Peyton's behavior and her disrespect. He of course had not expected it to be anything less than awkward but the fact that he was willing to try when she did not make any effort to do so, hurt him so much.

A hustle coming from somewhere in the house broke him from his trance. _Probably Peyton going back to the hospital_, he thought as he made his way through the hallway. The first thing when he noticed when he saw her was the bottle of wine that was on the table.

He lifted his hand with an imaginary glass. "Cheers to the pain." he said bitterly.

She sighed. The last thing she wanted to do was fight with him. So much for wanting a drink and a peaceful night but he just had to ruin that. She could have said nothing to him, she could have chosen to ignore him but his choice of words hurt her deeply.

She leaned back on the couch and took a sip of her drink. "Yeah, at least it's there for me."

"What did you say?" He turned to face her, his eyes meeting with hers and she could see the coldness in his eyes.

"I said- at least the drink is there for me when I need it."

He took a few steps towards her and stood above where she was sitting. "Don't." he clenched his jaw and shut his eyes. "Do not accuse me of not being there for you when you pushed me away. That was right after you blamed me for our daughter's accident." He said in a low bitter voice and turned to leave.

"Walk away…" she said in a low sarcastic voice as she motioned to him. "You've really perfected that move."

"Okay. This has to stop RIGHT NOW!" He walked back to her and pointed a finger in her direction. "You can sit here and feel miserable but I am NOT taking this from you anymore."

She looked up and met his eyes and she saw an emotion that bore into her soul. As much as she could see anger in his eyes, she saw a mixture of frustration, sadness and desperation.

"Peyton…this last two months have been hard on me too." He could feel his anger rising and he took a deep breath to calm himself down. "You don't know how it feels to look at your daughter lying in hospital and all you can think of is- you are to blame. I have nightmares night after night of her dying-" He paused to wipe a tear away and steady his voice. Peyton opened her mouth to talk but closed it afraid to talk so he continued. "I don't know what you expect from me, I can't know because you won't talk to me." He looked away from her and wiped another stray tear with the back of his hand. "I have told you over and over how sorry I am for everything but- it's not enough for you." He shook his head and closed his eyes for a few seconds. "I…I don't know what to do anymore." There wasn't anger in his voice anymore instead there was defeat.

She closed her eyes tight in an attempt to stop the tears that had welled in her eyes. She had pushed him to beyond limit and he had taken it all in his stride. She had blamed him, pushed him away and accused him of not trying enough and she could sense he was almost breaking. The guilt from that alone was enough to rip her heart out.

"I'm sorry for blaming you; it was not fair of me." She said in a very timid voice.

"NOT FAIR?!" He clenched his jaw and his hands formed two fists at the side of his body. "Try, uncalled for."

"But you-"

"See, YOU ARE STILL DOING IT." He yelled loudly which caused her to flinch. "Unbelievable." He lifted his hands in mock surrender and moved back. "I just…I can't be here." He dropped his hands and she noticed that they were trembling which scared the hell out of her. She had never seen Lucas this angry before. He moved towards the table that held the car keys and collided with her when he turned abruptly as he had not noticed her walk behind him.

They had not been in close proximity like this for almost two months. He closed his eyes as he felt her chest heave up and down against his and their breaths mingled. Before he could move away, her arms were around his body and she was holding on for dear life. Her actions caught him off guard and he had to regain his balance. He stiffened his body not returning the gesture but she still held tightly onto him, her head buried into his chest. He heard her sniffle which turned into body wracking sobs and he crumbled. He snaked his arms around her, engulfing her in his frame. He felt the tears that had welled up in his eyes roll down his cheeks, he cried for the pain they caused each other, for their daughter in hospital and for time wasted blaming each other.

He ran his hands up and down her back as he tried to calm her down. He felt her shift her head and suddenly he felt her mouth on his neck and collar bone. She was leaving a trail of open mouthed kisses up his neck towards his jaw line when he pulled away.

"Peyton," he whispered as he willed for her to open her closed eyes.

She kept her eyes closed and pulled him towards her again, inching towards his lips.

"Peyton!" he said, as he pushed her away from him forcefully with his hands on her shoulders but his ragged voice betrayed the evidence of his desire.

"Please." she pleaded as she made a subtle press of her body against his. "Please…Luke."

He swallowed, his eyes widening. "No, Peyton…we need to talk before we go there." He said. "That, will not solve anything, we need to -"

He was stopped mid-sentence when her lips pressed against his guided by a force stronger than anything she had known before. He took a moment before his mind processed what was happening. There was no way he was going to say no to Peyton, never had and probably never will. He was completely and utterly consumed by her, by being with her.

Her tongue skimmed over his lower lip as she pulled his head down. He found himself kissing her back, and all the anger and frustration disappeared as it was replaced by longing and the want that had built up in the last two months.

The rest of the world ceased to exist. At that particular moment, they were not angry at each other, there was no pain, their daughter was fine and all that was left was the powerful emotion and feeling that was drew them together like magnets. Movements were frantic, tongues colliding, exploring. Hands groping, pulling, and caresses continued.

Peyton pushed her hips into him and rocked up and down his body. Lucas pushed her slowly backwards all the while not breaking the kissing contest. The back of her knee hit the edge of the sofa and she sat pulling him down with her. He lay on top of her bracing his weight on his hands and attacked her neck. She threw her head back in pleasure at the same time bucking her hips upwards. It was too much for him to take, after all; he had not been this intimate with her for over a month. He was not patient enough to remove all his clothes and hers so he pulled of her sweatpants while she worked on his pants. Not long after, he was thrusting into her, joining her thrust as they became one.

They were both insatiable, going back for more and more and each time the fireworks exploded even higher. They couldn't get enough of each other. Their clothes had been fully discarded after the fourth or fifth round. No one was keeping count but it was unbelievable- even to them- how they had managed to keep their hands off each other for over a month. It's amazing what anger can do.

She listened to his shallow breathing, his nose nuzzled against her neck. He was knocked out from the aftermath of their not so subtle love making but she couldn't get any sleep no matter how hard she tried. They had, on more than one occasion before, had sex after a fall out but this was different. He was attentive to her needs as always but she could sense and feel how he was channelling his anger into energy during their union.

Peyton shifted slowly and removed his arm from her midsection as she stood. She slipped into the t-shirt that she had been wearing earlier and reached for the throw to cover his naked form. Her muscles ached, she felt sore and she needed a shower badly.

She walked into "her" bathroom and turned the shower on. The water streamed down her body but she couldn't feel it. She nudged the hot water knob higher, hotter. She leaned on the wall and dragged her body until her bottom hit the floor. The tears came quickly, hot tears mixing with the water cascading down her body. Her head hung in shame of what she had forced him to do.

She did not hear him walking into the bathroom and turning the water off; she just felt his arms going around her in a swift motion as he gathered her into his embrace. He held her head close to his chest as he soothed her, stroked her hair and whispered to her.

After her tears had calmed down, Lucas helped her to "her" bedroom where he helped her dry of and into a nightshirt. He pulled away the comforter of her bed and settled her in. He did not wait for her to ask him to lay with her, he settled next to her, angling his body so he was facing her.

"Wanna tell me what that was about?" he gently asked after he felt her relax completely.

"I'm sorry." She said after finding her voice. "I didn't mean for that to happen." She could barely look at him. When she did, her eyes brimmed with tears again. "I…I feel awful."

"Why?" He searched her eyes, still confused from her unexpected emotions.

"All sorts of things."

Just those five words that had been said between them for as long as he could remember were enough for him. He did not need her to elaborate further.

His eyes fell on the space between them for a few minutes. "It's okay." He said after a while cupping her cheek and wiped a stray tear on her face with his thumb. His hand moved from her cheek to her arm then to her back.

She shook her head frantically against her pillow. "No, don't say it's okay…It's not."

"Peyton." He lifted her chin as he held her eyes. "It's okay…I promise." His voice was low and soothing. "You know why? My mom… today, told me that… love happens when you forgive and I believe her."

"Lucas…how can you forgive me after what I have done to us…to Sawyer?" her voice cracked and her heart felt as though it would break with guilt.

"Baby, listen to me." His expression changed and he sat up facing her. "I don't want you to ever blame yourself for what happened. It was…a horrible accident and… Sawyer's going to be fine." Tears filled his eyes and the subtle lines on his face smoothed into a reflection of serenity. "Besides, you of all people understand the full meaning of forgiveness, there's no way I'm going to pull saint card on you when you forgave me for straying from us." He tilted his head slightly and brought his hand alongside her face and brushed her cheekbone again with his thumb.

Tears pricked her eyes as she saw the unrestrained love and forgiveness in his eyes. She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly overwhelmed with gratitude. With all her heart she wanted to stay safe in his arms forever but one question still weighed on her heart like a heavy curtain.

"I need to ask you something."

Lucas pulled back a few inches and searched her eyes. There were still pools of tears in her eyes and he wished more than anything he could love the hurt away. "Sure….anything."

After a moment she looked up and spoke in what sounded barely like a whisper. "Did you do it…the vasectomy?"

He hung his head and with his right hand, he rubbed the base of his neck. When he turned to face her again, he sucked in a full breath and his eyes found hers again. "No. I didn't." He took her hand and worked his fingers between hers. "Peyton…there are no words that I can use to describe the fear and worry I had each and every minute you were pregnant with Sawyer." He exhaled and held her with his gaze. "After she was born and she was okay and you were okay, I vowed to myself that, there was no way I was going to let you go through that again. So, I did some research and that's what you found in my drawer."

She sat up and turned so she was flush to him. She reached out and slowly, tenderly took his hand in hers. "Is that the reason why you seemed reluctant to- you know." She asked timidly.

Lucas closed his eyes and slowly nodded. "I'm… sorry about that."

She closed her eyes briefly. Now everything made sense - Lucas just cares too much. Her eyes locked on his again and she shook her head. "I'm the one who is still sorry."

"Come're." Peyton opened her arms and he leaned into her as she slid her hands along his back, pulling him closer to her. She squeezed her eyes shut and felt tears roll down her face once more as she desperately tried to wrap her head around how much Lucas loved her. "I love you so, so much." She whispered against his hair.

"I love you too." He spoke softly into her hair as he hugged her tightly, his voice choked with emotion.

They stayed hugging for a while until Lucas angled his head to read the clock that was on the table behind Peyton. It read 01:24 A.M. "its way past midnight, so, I think it's safe for me to say- Happy Anniversary babe."

Peyton pulled back to look at him while his hands moved down her shoulders, brushing her arms until they took her hands into his. "Happy anniversary." She said as she smiled sweetly at him.

He leaned in cupping her face in his hands and kissed her tenderly.

_Cause I love you more than I could ever promise_

_And you take me the way I am._

**Ooookay, so a happy ending was overdue but enjoy it while it lasts… **

**Also as much as "All sorts of things" has become a sort of cliché with Leyton, there was no way I couldn't not use it…**

**Next chapter will have Sawyer back home and the whole gang visiting from Tree Hill. **

**Lastly, I kind of feel bad cos I won't be able to update anytime soon. I really apologize for that but I will try my best. You know what to do, hit that review button and tell me what you think. Good? Bad? Boderline?**


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